Mercury Retrograde- Obstinant and Ornery

Stubborn by Anna, CCL

Effective date: 4/27-5/22/16 (Shadow period til 6/8/16)

Helios Says:
Guess what time it is! That's right, its time for everyone's favorite transit- Mercury Retrograde! This makes the fifth planet we have going retrograde right now, and man, could it be any less fortuitous? Well, yes actually- but it definitely isn't great timing, that's for sure. This year its all about the earth signs, first and foremost being stubborn-as-all-hell Taurus. So what is shifty Mercury up to in this sign?

Supposedly, Mercury in Taurus on its own is viewed as kind of a terrible placement. Now, I see where they get that idea, because he gets the best billing in the air and fire signs where his synapses are firing on all cylinders, and a few cylinders that he rents on the weekend. Hell, even Capricorn and Virgo get good press when it comes to Mercury, and Scorpio is no slouch either (think every self-narrated film noir detective protagonist, ever) but never Taurus. In Pisces he gets to be the tortured soul/brilliant artist type, but in Taurus Mercury is slow, plodding and taciturn, which is a nice way of saying as dumb as a bag of hammers. Well since this is my own placement, I  guess it falls to me to defend him! I can attest that there may be some truth to the criticism- but Mercury in Taurus has a lot of great benefits that could very well be the key to navigating this tricky season!

The truly great thing about Merc in Taurus is that he gives this great focus, exclusive to this sign, that you will see referred to a lot as either blinders or tunnel vision. The simile is extremely accurate, as this sign has an almost preternatural ability to shut out any and all distractions in pursuit of a goal. While the rest of the retro planets are off causing chaos and hacking away at what is no longer important in your life, Mercury is going to ensure that you do not allow it to knock you off track in pursuit of your greater aims. Now, the challenge here is if your major life goals are up on the chopping block- This placement is not one that can course-correct with ease. No, it is more like the Juggernaut from X-Men: An unstoppable force once set in motion, but without any initial movement toward an aim, it is easy to give into the inertia, never getting started and wasting your time on pointless distractions that seemed important at the time.

Another boon to this transit is its concept of impact when it comes to your words. Right now, you will be challenged on the things you say and think, and of course since that is Merc's wheelhouse, that takes on added importance. You will find yourself zone-ing out a lot, being able to still your mind without even trying to (especially when you consciously have something to distract one of your other senses and can then shut out entirely, is a trick I have found works WONDERS). You must also be very cautious in the things you say- Take your time in expressing what is going on in your head, chew over your words a few times before you let anything slip out. Say more with fewer words, cut out anything extraneous. No fluff with this one. Say something that really matters. Also no matter what, be honest at this time- Brutally if needed. Now is not the time to skirt around anything in order to spare anyone's feelings. 

One thing you do really want to watch out for is that time passes much more quickly under this transit than you realize, even though while its happening it can feel like you are trapped in a quagmire. I guarantee that you will wake up one day, when we are mid-Gemini, and suddenly realize that your to-do list is woefully uncompleted, and that you haven't shown up to work in three weeks. It's just the way it goes down. So use your time wisely, while you have it!

And obviously the standard Mercury Retro disclaimer- No signing any contracts (especially when it comes to things like phone bills or your cable/internet), no major life changes or big purchases, basically put nothing in writing if you can help it. The less you change in terms of your finances, and the day-to-day running and banality of your life, the better.


Artemis Says:
"There's solace a bit for submitting
To the fitfully cryptically true
What's happened has happened
What's coming is already on it's way
With a role for me to play
I don't understand
I'll never understand
But I'll try to understand
There's nothing else I can do."  - Fiona Apple, "Red Red Red"

Cards:  Justice and 8 of Pentacles

I was born during Mercury Retrograde, so an over active mind has been a staple of my existence. Add my Aquarian sun/moon/ascendant/Venus to that and I'm essentially a strange intergalactic being. So how do I fight through the alienation and over thinking?  Fortunately, we have the answer to that question in the sign that Mercury is retrograding in (and the sun has just changed to) - TAURUS. In order to bypass the shit coming from Mercury Retrograde, use Taurean direct, honest, and plain speak. Or, you know, get ready for shades of this alienation to consume you. It is descending up on us... again...  the most frequent and relentless of the planetary retrogrades; that of Mercury, the Messenger.

So what the hell happens during Mercury Retrograde? In short, all things related to communication begin to break down. Your ideas become cloudy, you say shit you don't mean, you misunderstand others (flavored by your murky thinking), mechanical things break - essentially connections go haywire. It's not a very pleasant energy, to say the least.Some people are obviously more adapted to it than others. Some people thrive during Mercury Retrograde because they have learned methods that help them communicate through their own alienation. Because of this, I personally find Mercury Retrograde to be an easier time for demented writers (you know we all are demented, right?). It is a good time to WORK. Not to finalize things- Hell no! But WORK because with this Jupiter Retrograde in VIRGO (the detail whore) and Mercury retrograde in TAURUS (the obsessive freak), you will be able to see all the faulty pieces of your plan. And remember, Mars is also in Retrograde going from Sagittarius to Scorpio. In this state, he projects the plotting serial killer energy. Scorpio is the psychic detective of the zodiac - deeply inspecting human psychology. Don't forget! Scorpio must learn the lessons behind power in their lifetime, so expect challenges to dominance to increase during Mars Retrograde into Scorpio. These are tools, guys, not enemies. Use the Sun's energy right now (in patient Taurus), and stay calm through the chaos that is ensuing. Get still. Get obsessive. Get detailed about your WORK.

The 8 of Pentacles card I pulled is a work order. You can turn this energy to your favor - just like anything else. Bend it to your will. With Saturn also being in retrograde, you can expect this Mercury retrograde period to be flavored with torture. Things you may have said months ago could suddenly come back to haunt you out of literally fucking nowhere. I pulled the Justice card to go with the "go to werk" message from 8 of Pentacles. This means you should expect unfinished business to walk up to you as you're in line for coffee, or trying to peacefully cross the street, or when you are attempting to hide from all of humanity on a hike through the fucking wilderness - it will find you. It's time to tie up all the loose ends and verbal contracts. Mercury is going to be testing our ability to remain consistent with what we have learned by throwing us shit back at us that we didn't deal with appropriately in the past. I feel that Justice is also trying to tell me that we must constantly watch our speech for injustice / breaks. This is your mantra for the next few weeks: Taurean direct, honest, plain speak. Use it like Justice's sword.

Mercury IS in Taurus, and Taurus has a heavy hand in finance. With the full moon in Scorpio descending upon us, and a beautiful grand earth trine coming during the Mercury Retrograde period, you can expect financial opportunities to emerge. Pluto joined the Retrograde party this past weekend, bringing our inner demons to the surface. With Mercury getting anxious in his retrograde state, expect people's demons to come out in communication. Pair Mars in the party, and expect a lot of very loud outbursts. The Sun moving from Aries to Taurus (April 19) couldn't have come at a better time. Keep your eyes on the big fiery orb, folks - meaning - keep yourself GROUNDED and focused on the things that are real in your life, say what's on your mind, and try and channel all of this "bad" energy into Venus-like pursuits. Taurus is ruled by Venus. It's time to transform your pain, and it's time to structure your way to your fortune.

Lots of love, everyone.  Be good to each other.  I know all you want to do is shoot people until they bleed out slowly right now, but really, it's all just a big misunderstanding!  Isn't it usually? 

New Moon in Capricorn- The Trouble With Dreams

Ninja by Ivan Otero, CCL

Astrogeek: OKAY SO! This is one of my famous shotgun posts, as this shit snuck up on me somehow, and now you get me writing my balls off, half-drunk at 2:41 in the morning- Full disclosure. *sips bourbon*Great start to 2016, Astrogeek, classy as shit like always…

This sure as shit doesn’t feel like a new moon, no siree… This is halfway between a full moon and an eclipse. This is a test. You have to prove your mettle on this one y’all. So, again I ask you: WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT? You have the power to make anything come to fruition that you want, but only that which you put work into. Your effort and willpower will define this stage. Sure, you may DESIRE certain things like a new relationship or a bigger bank balance, or peace on earth; but you cannot get the first one if you're going out every night and trolling hookup apps, and that is doubtful for the second, but its entirely possible that you have invested in a company like Lockheed Martin, and therefore are a war profiteer, and probably have a decent bank balance! See how my clumsy metaphor barely makes any sense? That’s the Astro talking, I think. Either that or I need to stop doing bodyshots off of strippers….

And we all know THAT’S not going to happen!!

Anyways, wherever you focus your efforts, you will see growth and change, BUT anything that you are not willing to actively work toward, you might as well ignore. Because there is no cavalry coming- It’s just you, standing alone against the horde. Your strikes will count, but you have to swing your swords for that to matter! You have to show up to the battle, you have to be in the trenches! Most of 2016 will follow these rules- You’ve been skating by far too long, now you actually need to nut up and put your money where your mouth is!

Morrigan Dervishi: Oh boy oh boy, this year is already starting out... fun.  It's 2016, folks.  Let's break this down:
New Moon in Capricorn Tarot Spread

Sun - 9 of Cups
Moon - 4 of Cups
Mercury - 8 of Swords
Venus - 9 of Pentacles
Mars - Ace of Pentacles
Jupiter -  Queen of Swords
Saturn - 8 of Cups
Uranus - 8 of Wands
Neptune - 8 of Pentacles
Pluto - The Emperor

The 20th card of the tarot is called JUDGEMENT and the 16th card in the Tarot is THE TOWER. That sets the tone for this year.  Our world structures are about to EXPLODE and the Capricorn new moon is making us completely jittery about it.  What?  Structures?  Exploding?  Nightmare words for Capricorn, and Capi's nightmares are surely on our mind.  We have Mercury, the Sun, the Moon, and Pluto are all in the sign of the devil goat.  We want to build.  We want to make something out of all of this, but it looks like we are getting a lot of interference from Uranus, Mars, and Neptune right now.  Uranus is 8 of Wands in my reading, meaning he wants us to know he is back in full swing and plowing through everything.  Do not forget where he is coming from.  Who's pointing the Uranus laser beam gun right at all of our Capricorn dreams right now?  Aries.  Blood god energy.  But he's got a formidable opponent. 

The Sun, Moon, Chiron, Uranus, Pluto- UGHHHH NO. More self-reflection, more old pain drawn up, and more bullshit flashpoints and losses that are completely beyond your control, but eventually seek to move you to a new era/arena of life. Beware of zombie romances. Old news. NEXT!!!!

Morrigan Says: For this beautiful vortex of a new moon in the sea goat, I pulled the card 4 of cups.  The 4 of cups is all about moping around, and that's exactly what this new moon energy is dragging us to do.  Woe is me!  I don't have any of my shit together right now!  Shit is exploding around me and I don't know what to do!  Yeah, it's screwed up, but this card also reminds us that everything isn't futile.  Stop crying over spilled milk and look into your heart.  You're disillusioned by everything around you because it's all going to burn soon.  It's cardboard houses, so light your flame already.  Deep down, at your core, you have always known what it's really about, so stop giving your energy to the powers that be and rise to your own power.The sun in this reading is in the 9 of cups, which is also called the wish card.  It looks like Capricorn is really what we want right now, so we need to stop fighting it.  Don't let the delusions get in the way.  Remember, ground that Neptune.  Pluto is represented by the Emperor in this reading (which is associated with the sign Aries itself), wielding his transformational power over everything right now.  Pluto is larger than life AND IN CHARGE!  He is powering us up.  Telling us where to go.  There is a lot of power right now in taping into his energy, and he is rallying everything around him.  You might not THINK you have the power (Mercury IS in retrograde after all), but you've definitely got the power.  You're in charge.  Stop building what they want you to build and start building for YOURSELF. Capricorn is challenging us to start climbing the mountain, baby, but we have a lot of shit just holding us down.  We can't even get over the foothills because we are in such a panic.  What a troubling feeling.  I know, I know, just end it already, jeez.  4 of Cups is traditionally associated with moon in cancer energy, so it looks like we're being a little sensitive right now.  Get up.  Get out.  Let's go.  This is your queue not to get buried in all the bad energy going around.  Stop thinking that some white knight is going to come and rescue, because they are not.  Uranus will shoot them out of the sky before that friggin happens.  Power up that goat devil energy we have in our weapons kit right now, and slice through this shit!

Mercury Retrograde, Pallas Athene- Second verse, same as the first…. NEXT!!!

Morrigan Says: Poor little Mercury doesn't seem to be doing so well.  I pulled 8 of swords for him, which is literally interference.  Traditionally, this card is depicted as a woman standing in a circle of swords wearing a blindfold.  She thinks she is surrounded, but there is an open path in front of her if she either A. removes her own blindfold or B. makes the leap of faith and just moves forward already.  Makes a lot of sense for Mercury retro, doesn't it?  We're scattered and we have no idea that the opening is literally in front of us.  Mercury is literally sitting on whatever the answer to our question is right now, and it seems to all have to do with Capricorn. 

Venus, Saturn, Black Moon Lilith- Oh for fucks sake…  All of your old tricks will suddenly reappear and then promptly kidnap you, expecting a lifelong commitment right off the bat. DO NOT ACCEPT, they’re the same old crazy bitch that they have always been. Also- save yourself, the damsel in distress trope looks bad on all of us. NEXT!!!

Morrigan Says: Venus is in 9 of Pentacles, meaning more grounding.  We need to nourish our relationships before they rot and kill our anxieties and kill our blindfolded Mercury right now.  Stop taking things out on those around you.  Nourish them.  9 of Pentacles is Venus in Virgo energy, so we need to really pay service to our relationships right now.  Help build for them.  Saturn is 8 of cups, meaning we need to leave behind all the things that aren't benefiting us and those we love right now.  This card can also mean some profound realizations our coming our way.  He is reminding us that yes, we quite literally are walking away from the delusion right now and striding into the things that truly matter.

Mars, Neptune, Juno and Vesta- Finally, something that I can use; Unfortunately, I covered this in the intro. You will need to make decisions, right here and now as to how you want your future to take shape. You will need to make sacrifices. It will hurt, and nothing is a sure bet. Make your choice NOW, and stick to your guns. You CAN DO THIS. *takes drink break*

Morrigan Says: The TOWER (card 16) is ruled by Mars, who seems to be playing an important role this year.  I pulled Ace of Pentacles for him, meaning he is the root of all of our trouble right now.  There is no way we are getting around him, and we have to deal with his is "my way or the highway" attitude.  He's in Scorpio right now, his ancient ruler, so he's essentially a blood soaked barbarian coming out of a battle terrifying poor Mercury. For Neptune I got the 8 of Pentacles.  Prudence.  We need to ground right now and take daddy Capricorn's lessons seriously.  He is using Pluto to blast away these Neptunian delusions, and I think, by golly, it might just work out for us.  The cards are urging us to really earth our ideas right now.  They are saying root into something that's real so you can come down from the clouds, come down from all of the anxious energy around us, and start building your kingdom.  8 of Pentacles is all about grounding and working and building your dream from the literal earth.  Get serious.  So, let's bring all of those daydreams we have been stuck in to the light and take advantage of our super charged Capricorn abilities right now.

Jupiter, All the remaining minor planets including ERIS and some such nonsense- Look, Jupiter is retrograde in his most hated sign, Virrrrrrrrrrrgo. This doesn’t bode well for anything. Shit sucks, not just for you. We all have dreams and goals. Do what you can, when you can; and when you can’t, bide your time. Plot. Coil up to strike. You will get your chance but you may have to take a leap when the ground is falling out from under you and the only place you can jump is on fire. These things happen. Jump anyway.

Morrigan Says: Jupiter is Queen of Swords.  Slice through, baby, luck is on our side.  This is like pulling the sword of time out of the stone.  We've got the power!  Our abilities are inflated, and we can get to the heart of the matter.  She is the dragon woman, ready to use her emotions and her intellect as combined weapons.  Like a motherfucking vortex.  Jupiter's storm is going to pummel anything that comes in our way.  Go, little goats, go!  If this world is going to burn down around us, we are surely going to build a new empire on the rubble.  One that is true and from the heart.  The planet of philosophy and higher thinking is urging us to find truth and justice and use it as a weapon.  The Queen of Swords is associated with Libra.  This is our charge. So go, go go!  We can do this.  We've got devil goat energy and we are really sitting on the throne.  Let's just take these blindfolds off and fight some real battles instead of battles with ourselves and those who love us.

Mercury Retrograde in Capricorn/ Future 2016- Back To Hell

Torches in the Night by Marjan Lazarevski, CCL

Oh, here we go again… Yes y’all, right out of the gate in 2016 we have a Mercury Retrograde! That’s right- the transit that drags all the hack astrologers shrieking like harpies about contracts and data usage, or some such nonsense like the soot-ridden, rag-wearing oracles of old. Bless.

Now 2015 was a shitshow, we can all admit that now. Sure it had great moments, as all years do, but I’d never want to relive it if I had the chance, unless there was a LOT that I could change. I’m sure that I’m not alone in that, either. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what is on the agenda for this transit; fortunately, you have me to guide you through, like the Psychopomp himself, and have I ever steered you wrong before?

…Actually don’t answer that. Not sure my ego could handle it.

Back to Mercury! So hes going to be a right asshole this time, dragging you back through the drama of the last month or so, seemingly rehashing every lesson and failure of 2015, and glossing over your wins. No one wants a feel-good story anymore, there is only tragedy. Since it’s going to be mostly in Capricorn, this will mostly be concerns of status, and your place in the world. You will be made painfully aware (again) of just how low on the totem pole of society you are right now. This Astro will be cruel and cutting- Capricorn suffers no fools, and neither does Mercury to be quite honest.

Now, this is better than it sounds, because like all Astro, there is a purpose to it. The pressure and resentment of those above you who hold you down and crush you underfoot will build and build, and you will see a way to overcome it. That’s right, you’re not waiting anymore. No more Mr. Nice Guy; not with Mars in Scorpio (oldie, but goodie. In fact, the entire Scorpio Black Ops series is relevant again!), aiding and abetting Mercury. This pressure from without will build and build within you, and it will be up to you to allow it to explode, or channel it into building towards your own dreams- and what a year to do it! That’s right, its finally time to talk about the events of this coming summer, aka the conjunction of Uranus and motherfucking ERIS, in Aries! God help us all, these two are going to burn it all and dance maniacally in the embers. This was building last year, and still is, but will hit at the beginning of June. You are officially on 6-month notice. For now, channel the rage without suppressing it, every indignity and slight, while plotting the best revenge- getting out and living your life on YOUR terms. Use Eris, goddess of strife, to help you reach what you are striving for. You have been preparing for this since 2011, and while the odds have never been more stacked against you, it wouldn’t be fair otherwise with how far you have come. You can absolutely do this, you know you can. All it takes is doing the thing. Nothing to it!

Oh and no new phone contracts. Just to be safe.

Scorpio Black Ops, Act VI: Total Solar Eclipse in Scorpio- On The Other Side

 

  “We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.” -Terry Pratchett

Sorry for the delay everyone, this was one I wanted to make sure I got right. Also, Im looking for a new personal assistant (don't ask what happened to the old one. Honestly, never hire anyone just because they look fantastic in swimwear. Odds are they dont have a head for details.), so if you know anyone insane capable enough to work with me, have them email their resume, recent headshot, birth details and full medical records to me. Your lingerie uniform will be provided. Oh, and we offer dental.  

Ladies and Gentlemen, er... sorry, I mean Hellraisers, fuck this shit. For real. From what i've been hearing from you guys, it sounds like I'd be hard pressed to find anyone to argue the point. But don't you worry your black little hearts- Your good buddy Astro is going to explain everything. But its your job to read between the lines and pick up on the subtext...

Anyway, so here's where we stand- Its an eclipse in Scorpio, and its amplified by a ridiculous (even by my standards) chart. So lets roll up our sleeves and get into it, shall we?

You have two choices here. You can either A) Let this eclipse happen to you, in which case you can close this site right now, because we don't want you up in here, or B) You can tap into it and use it. How do you do that, those who chose option B and didn't storm off in a huff will ask; Ill tell you what- Its by just acknowledging you feel like ass, aren't satisfied, and getting your ass into the game. Its understanding that there is more for you to do. Thats when the magic happens; that one moment when you refuse to be done. Its going down to the depths, getting crushed, and right before you surrender for good, you push one last time against the weight that is trying to destroy you once and for all, and with everything you have, you throw it off your back, screaming out in frustration and victory. 

To get there however, you have to do this part first. The crap part where you get crushed, inch by agonizing inch as your strength drains away. Or does it? Ask any gym rat, to build muscle and gain strength, first you must tear it down. Its only by rebuilding the torn tissue that you gain the hypertrophy (i.e.- Big strong muscles). This is working the same way. While you're building yourself up, it hurts. Training sucks at first- but you keep at it. Then one day something curious happens; You start to enjoy it, look forward to it even.

And it pays off; You have visible results that everyone can see.

Of course, that is Scorpio at its best....

So without further exposition, lets roll up our sleeves and get to it, shall we?

The Sun and Moon- Right then, eclipse mode. Well, we start out with a quincunx to Eris, so the challenge is having the courage to honor the part of you that just wants to tear everything down that isnt working, chucking all your junk out of the window and the part that wants to slow down and plan out a viable escape plan that leaves you much more well off then if you just charge in. You will need to make several adjustments in order to keep these two conflicting, yet similar desires in check and in balance. A trine to Pallas Athene fires your brain on all cylinders, which is something you desperately need. Don't just throw away your plans if you hit a snag though- stick with it, and work out a solution. A square to Nessus shows that you are feeling very toxic, as though your very soul were being poisoned and ebbing away, bit by bit. I strongly urge you to identify the cause of this, and resolve it immediately (within the next 6 months). An opposition to Sedna shows that you are holding on desperately to something that you need to release. I know how painful the idea is and that you think if you let it go, you are killing what you feel is your only way out (trust me, I know), but you're blinding yourself to the options that you are being presented with! You have alternatives, and you are so not done yet! Pick yourself up, pull your head out of your ass and quit wallowing in self-pity. Its time to get your game face on. Besides, lingering is sooo not sexy, and sexy is the everything right now. A trine to Helio helps you here- Remember this? Reread it, and then come back here- Go ahead, ill wait. Now you really need to put this in action, and do it NOW. If you are willing to put these lessons into action, and remember who you were right before it all came crashing down, when you were at your greatest, then I promise you, you will find that you will find what you're looking for. Oh and start smiling a lot more- none of those fake, snide smirks either, only the genuine article. A square to Siva indicates that you may have to fake it at first, but do it long enough and it will become real without you even noticing. Just focus on being happy, no matter what. That's what got you to there in the first point, isn't it? An opposition to Sphinx demands that you cool your heels and stop railing at the universe to make thing happen NOWNOWNOW. Your enthusiasm and vigor are acknowledged, but these things take time and you are not helping. What is out of your control is not to be acknowledged. A conjunction to Tantalus is dangling what you want in front of your face, but it is just out of reach and its agonizing. A sextile to Hera tells you to find something to distract you from what has you all wrapped up- put some distance between you and it.

Mercury- I'm not even trying to acknowledge my ruler right now. Shit is ridiculous. Still, its important this go around (rolls eyes) so I will soldier on. A square to Neptune rounds out the T-Square in my chart making me want to go into a feral rage, but for the rest of you lot, watch out for little omens and messages coming from seemingly all directions. Carry around a little notebook, and take note of stray thoughts that turn out to be genius insights. Oh, and if you're not doing it already, journal your dreams. A sextile to Makemake shows that you will need to fight for what it is you want and prove that you should have it, even though you feel as though you barely have any fight left in you. A trine to Vulkan helps with that, but you need to put all of your focus into that pursuit, and stop wasting time and energy on everything else. Develop tunnel vision. A conjunction to Astraea tells us that something important that left you could make a surprise reappearance, and when it does that means that a new chapter is underway for you. Go with it. A square to Isis warns that this may not be the easiest transition however- Much will be asked of you, more than has been asked before if you can believe it. Still, the rewards are most definitely worth it.

Venus- Our girl starts out with an opposition to Eris, indicating that there is something terribly wrong, but you cant quite put your finger on it, because you're trying to avoid dealing with it. I understand- who wouldn't? But you are going to have to take a deep breath and look it square in the eye so that you can make it right. It wont be easy, but you need to do it. A conjunction to Haumea tells you that doing so will lead you to the birth of something brand new and amazing. But you have to get off your ass and put in the work to do it. A quincunx to Pallas Athene shows that you are going to have to make some adjustments to your strategy and your approach if you want to achieve this. Honor both diplomacy and tactics, intelligence and desire and you will win. A sextile to Cupido tells you to set your sights high. Helping others right now helps your aims in unexpected ways, so reach out. A square to Helio has your hope very low, and you need to remind yourself why you set out this way in the first place. Remember what you have tried to forget. A sextile to Ixion and Hylonome warn you against making a rash decision that will hurt you more than help. Keep your desire (and your pain) in check. A trine to Vesta and a sextile to Juno help you stay on target, but it still has to come from you.      

Mars- Our boy is wrapping up his stay in Saggo, and after he moves into Capricorn I will be very relieved, let me just tell you. Him being in my Solar 7th house is just plain exhausting! Anyway, We start out with a quincunx to Admetos and Vulkanus, indicating that you are investing too much energy into a wasted effort. An opposition to Thereus confirms this, telling you to surrender. You know its not going anywhere, so why do you keep trying so hard? What do you have to prove, and who are you proving it to? Move on. A sextile to Apollon and Psyche tells us that your mind is on your several romantic prospects, but has one broken away from the pack? Is it one you already know so well? Time will tell. A trine to 1992 QB1 suggests that maybe its time to put your energy into a new endeavor, something you've never tried before. Break out of the cycle you're trapped in. A square to Logos and Urania tells you to avoid looking at the big picture, focus on the small details. Also, if you want to make big picture changes, you have to start with the small stuff. A trine to Hekate helps you understand that if you want to make those changes, now would most definitely be the the time, but you are the one who is going to have to make the moves. Show that you want it. A sextile to Lilith confirms this, indicating that you are going to have to get your hands dirty to get anywhere.

Jupiter- Papa bear is still Retrograde. Enjoy it while it lasts, guys. A square to Borasisi tells you that right now everything is very nebulous for you, and a lot is unclear. If you move forward one step at a time, without having the whole pattern spread out in front of you however, you will amaze yourself at how far you can go. Try believing for once. An opposition to Hidalgo indicates that your most strongly held beliefs will be challenged and tested now. What you have been waiting for is coming to fruition NOW. Like it or not, this is your harvest. A trine to Amor shows that right now, romance is all that is occupying your mind, or it sure feels that way. Don't lose sight of whats important while chasing skirts. A sextile to Askalaphus says that if you are stuck, try some honest candor. It might just be the catalyst that sparks a serious change. 

Saturn- The old soldier is just all systems go in Scorpio! A quincunx to Uranus tells you that you are having some difficultly reconciling your past dreams with the present reality. Maybe its time to let go and come up with a new dream, yeah? One that fits you better? A trine to Chiron shows that either way you go comes with a hefty side of pain and angst. Try to keep this to a minimum if possible. A sextile to Eros and Pluto tells you that when in doubt, follow your passion, whatever stirs your soul (and listen when that long dead hope comes back for that fleeting moment!). A trine to Ceres, Hades and Kronos tells you that if you do not honor yourself by taking the time to maintain your life (i.e.- eating right, working out, sleeping, taking breaks) it will cost you dearly. Don't push yourself too far. A quincunx to Lilith tells you to grow some stones, step up and do what you need to do. Work with what you have around you and get dangerous. A sextile to Orcus demands that you focus on how far you have come and not on what you have left behind. You cant forget where you have been, however- otherwise you'll end up right back where you started.

Uranus- A square to Eros gives you a much needed jolt back to reality. Use it to get back on track. A quincunx to Orcus helps you do this, and allows you to do it on your terms. Its time to purge what is no longer worth keeping around. you guys know the drill here, swift and no angst. An opposition to Sisyphus confirms this- Drag it out at your own peril. A sextile to Lilith and Atropos declares that the situation is now intolerable, and drastic change is necessary if you plan on seeing this through. A square to Ceres, Hades and Kronos warns against not doing this correctly- If its not authentic, down to your core, it will fail. So make sure that you know that what you're doing is right. 

 

Neptune- Finally direct, we can start making some progress again. Or we can just stay in our Opium den and see where that gets us, either way. Lets see, what haven't we covered yet? Well, a trine to Ceres, Hades and Kronos has you questioning the once-firm ground you have built your new foundation on. Is it structurally sound or will the building start sinking like that tower over in Pisa? Would it be better to just demolish it and start again? These are questions you need to answer. A square to Astraea warns that these answers may not come just yet, and when they do it may not be an easy road forward. A trine to Apophis confirms this, stirring up trouble in the interim. 

Pluto- And we come to the Ruler of this Eclipse, last but not least. The problem with Pluto is that by the time we get to him, we've already covered everything. Luckily the dread god always has a trick or two up his sleeve... Starting with a conjunction to Eros, deep passions are stirring in you- Power is Sexy. Make sure to channel these urges correctly. An opposition to Ceres, Hades and Kronos tells you that you are going to be asked to choose between two conflicting desires of yours- try to work them both, or at least one at a time. Rule nothing out just yet. A sextile to Chiron confirms this, telling you that avoiding this is the surest way to cut yourself off at the knees. A quincunx to Lilith and Atropos and a square to Bacchus indicates that you are going to need to decidedly choose not to give in to some of your baser urges in lieu of progress toward your goals. Make your rewards for little victories count. A trine to Eurydike and Achilles confirms this, and tells you that you must not hesitate, and you must do whatever is necessary to accomplish your aims. A trine to Phaethon indicates you are on the main stage right now, with everything you do clearly visible. Watch yourself. Finally, a sextile to Orpheus helps you smooth over some of those ruffled feathers that you have shaken up lately if you only reach out to try to mend those burnt bridges. Make the effort.

Hellraisers, this is a big one. Do it right, and you'll be in a better position to take control of your life and achieve your goals than ever before. Do it wrong however, and you will find yourself being scraped over hot coals in your own personal hell. It seriously all depends on your choices right here in this moment. 

But then again, when doesn't it?

A Posse Ad Esse

-The AstroGeek

As always, go check out the amazing Starzina Starfish-Browne whose Fabulosity is such that I can see rainbows three states away. She has this thing that she does called Starzina's Time of the Month Horoscope and it would make me ever so happy if you check it out and show her some love, so do that. 

Your Zeitgeist Playlist:

 

 

 

Neptune Direct: Drawing Lines In The Sand

Deer Lord (Praise Cernunnos), this is where I feel I need to slink off to right about now. This Mercury Retrograde would be hell enough on anyone, but to throw it in with Saturn in Scorp, the Uranus-Pluto drama, Mars-Jupiter shenanigans, AND a superpowered eclipse? Holy Hell, Hellraisers- This time Neptune might be the one thing that sees us through. 

Lets hope we can trust him.


Anyway, yes Neptune is now officially direct. Pay attention, Hellraisers- This is where the fun starts. Dreams get cosmic, and carry potent messages on swift wings. Omens abound, and black cats start crossing your path in droves. The trick is figuring out the message while you can. Quite often you can only put it together after its much too late to make a difference. But that's the way these thing go, I'm afraid.

In other ways, this can feel like waking back up after a long nap in the Sun. The important thing is realizing you were, in fact, dreaming- and now its time to get back to reality. Done incorrectly however, this is more akin to an insomniac who is working 60+ hours a week and getting nowhere. If this is you FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF THE GAME! Rest up, you're going to need it. This is Eclipse season, and there will be no prisoners taken.

As always with Neptune, I caution you not to overdo it with the boozing or drugs- especially with Jupiter Retrograde. This time however, im giving you an out. Anything used for actual, real self-work and discovery and not for escapism is super potent right now*. But use caution. Its much better to dry out with Saturn in Scorp, trust me.

Speaking of, you know that niggling voice in the back of your head that is keeping you up at night? Well there's only one cure- Put the changes its suggesting into action. Trust me, you'll be so glad you did. Also, you know that pain you're feeling right now? Yes, right now as you read this line. Oh, dont give me that shit- you cant hide it from me. Anyway its going to be with you for a while. Work on it, drag it out from the shadows and face it- work on healing it. Accept what you cant change and start changing what you can. Planning only though- no action till after Mercury goes direct again.

Oh, one last thing: You're going to want to give up. Don't.

Hellraisers, we're in for a hell of a ride. Hang on, and slam on the gas pedal.

-The AstroGeek

 
*(AG Skywatch Legal Note- For the love of... Not this bullshit again! sigh AstroGeek's Skywatch does not endorse, reccomend, or condone recreational drug use or any other form of substance abuse. All indications to the contrary and statements issued are merely intended to entertain, albeit poorly. Somebody get us out of here, we havent showered in weeks and the food is absolute shit. We do get good dental, though, but that hardly covers it. Anyway, dont sue us- We dont have any clean suits, the bastards too cheap to pay for dry cleaning.)   

Mercury Retrograde- Sending A Message

Well guys, its that time again- Mercury Retrograde season. I know you're super excited.

Obligatory link for those who have no clue what im talking about. Also this.

Its in Scorpio no less (well, it Starts in Saggo, but there is Scorping to be done as well, so im claiming it)- So you guys know what that means... MOAR DRAMA AND CRAPOLA TO DEAL WITH!! YAYY!! Specifically drama related to ancient, soul-searing angst you thought that you were well done with, and psych-revelations/insights that will shock you and may leave you in huddling in a corner.

(Well that is definitely one way to rock this transit, thats for sure...)

A interesting effect of this is it reeks of synchronicity. What you are trying to avoid dealing with, you will be forced to confront. Also, Im issuing an Undead Exes alert- Do not fall into the trap of going back and covering old ground. Forward motion only!

Here's what I would do though-

Prep-

• Change every ex you still have in your phone to something along the lines of DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT or OFF LIMITS. I dont care what unresolved crap you guys have, the answer is NO *swats your nose with a newspaper*.  
• Declutter your everything- If you dont need it, its taking up space. Sell it, donate it, I dont really care. Just make it disappear.
• Make your Planner your best friend. Schedule and plan everything you can. This will save you so much grief its not even funny. Also- go back into Mars in Virgo mode: If it can be tracked, it can be conquered.
• Join a 24-Hour gym, so that you have somewhere to go at 3:26 am when you cant sleep and you need to work out some agression, no questions asked. One with a pool would be preffered, but a sauna will do.

Action-

• Make some kind of announcement about your plans when Merc goes Retrograde, as close to the actual time as possible for maximum oomph. And yes, I know, this flies in the face of all the Mercury Retrograde advice ive ever given, but we are living under rebel stars now.
• After said plans are made, drop a smoke grenade and pull a vanishing act for the rest of the Retrograde. In fact, dont reappear til after Merc gets back into Sag.
• Plot. Plot everything. Every detail.
• Keep everything to yourself. This is not the time to be spouting out your plans to everyone who will listen.
• Basically, go into full-on Gemini mode. Das rite, Hellraisers- Time to act like the twins. I dont often suggest it, but when I do its because theres nothing else that will work quite as well.

Pro Tips-

• Deal with any situation that arises quickly and with minimal drama.
• For some reason, spending time in seedy dive bars alone, looking fantastic and sipping on a stiff drink brings synchronicity. Vibe mysterious and with a story to tell.
• Have orgasms. Lots of orgasms.
• Heated pools and hot tubs are magic. Spend as much time in them as possible.
• Smoke cigars
• Im serious about the orgasms
• Avoid moose (moose are fine, its those bison you have to watch out for)

Above all else, chase what stokes your passion. Dont be stupid enough to hold yourself back now, not when you've come this far.

And whatever you do, do it with style.
-The AstroGeek



Mercury Retrograde Update- The Problem is Choice

Ladies and Gentlemen, This shit sucks. Im aware that I promised fabulosity and overall amazingness, however its turning out to be nothing more than Mercury Retrograde hype. I get the feeling that it is theoretically possible to rock the amazingness like I described, however try not to focus on that (well, yes-Focus on that and rock this transit like its never been rocked before. Just do it in the background.). No, there's something much more important in the works.

The moon is in Libra right now, and is very close to Saturn. After that, it jets into Scorpio. This is going to be a preview of Saturn in Scorpio for 37ish hours and trust me, it will drag on and on and on like you would not believe. In this time, we will be getting a taste of whats to come and how to respond to it. There will be an even more potent one at the end of august, but we'll get to that later.

The crux of the issue is this- Like I said in my New Moon post, you have reached a point where you have done as much as you can in a certain are of your life (you know which one im talking about) and the realization just crushed you. It is freeing though, because once you face it, and accept it, you can move on. That being said, you have a choice to make- What next? Where do you go from here?

And then the zinger- What do you want?

See these are questions you will need to have strong, commited answers to. No more vacillating. No more trying to play both sides of the game and wait for the skies to clear and the heavens themselves to give you a sign with flying unicorns farting out rainbows to tell you that its time.

No, if you want it, you're going to have to take it.

Again, this is a preview for what is to come. You will be filled to the brim with piss and vinegar, but remember- at the end of the day, Saturn is still in Libra (no matter how much you [or your humble Astrologer] may wish otherwise), and therefore we have to go back to walking on eggshells and trying to make everybody happy (yay.) after you Scorp out and utterly obliterate them for their overall incompetence at life.

But just think of how much better you'll feel afterwards!!

Good luck!
-The Astrogeek

Mercury Retrograde in Leo: Shameless

Oh dear, time for Mercury Retrograde again, and this one is in LEO of all signs (of all the planets, in all the signs, in all of the houses, he has to walk into mine...); Get ready for the Astrologically Quasi-Informed to fly around screaming bloody murder about the sky falling, cell phone bills skyrocketing (from telling all their friends about the sky falling, no doubt) and not to buy cars or look at farm animals crossways. Le sigh.

For all the rest of you, just shake your heads and smile; because you guys get to know the real story- This Retrograde is your Golden Ticket. Seriously, I've never seen one so rife with potential. Blessed with help from Uranus, Mars, Venus, Jupiter- hell even Saturn is on your side; and not even too much challenge from Pluto or Neptune, provided you act correctly and take the right precautions.

The challenging part here is really twofold- One: Taking the leap and trusting you will land on your feet (Neptune), not at all guaranteed. But hey, what is these days? Seriously though, weigh out the risks a la Mars in Virgo (what, you didn't think you were done there, did you?) and go with the best bet. Which brings me to Two: Taking a deep breath and nutting up to actually go through with it (Pluto). Whatever you do, do it big; Do it big, do it shamelessly, and make it work. The hardest thing you can do is just to go through with your plan. Yes, seriously. Starting to see the picture?

The good news- EVERYTHING ELSE IS SAYING GO FOR IT!!! The sky is giving you Jetpack Underwear (heh. I see what you did there! [Note- Reread it: Its actually relevant]) powered by a fusion reactor, I suggest that you use it while the using's good. The best action plan is to move around in your daily life as if nothing is changing, while in your off time putting the wheels in motion for success. Then, once all the t's are crossed and I's are dotted (Merc out of Shadow) come out and just leave them slackjawed, no one having any clue what just happened. The crucial bit is keeping it under wraps until its a sure thing, because there are those who will try to keep you down and keep you at their level. Refuse this, and just keep smiling til you're waving out of your rear-view mirror and driving off into the sunset.

Admittedly, this will most likely make you go slightly insane, trying not to spill the beans and trying to make your life work in the here and now while trying to blast into the stratosphere of your life; But hey, just pretend that Mars never left Virgo (while playing by the Libra rulebook) it should make it easier to handle. That grueling trip really was a great primer for what's ahead (as much as I hate to say it) and admit it, you're in a much better place now then you were then. Oh, well at least you know how screwed you are then...

TL;DR version? Grow a pair and make the changes you keep talking about making, but do it on the DL so the haters dont try to trip you up while you keep your 9-5 grind on. Try not to go crazy.
  
-The AstroGeek

New Moon in Aries- Challenge Accepted!

Ladies and Gentlemen, It is officially Aries!! Happy (Astrological) New Year!! That's what, the third time this year ive said that? (im going for a record). I hope you're all enjoying it, because we're only going up from here, and is going to be one hell of a ride!

With the New Moon in Aries, you have to go outside your comfort zone and just blast out on a brand new adventure (even if its just a day trip to a neighboring city). Its time to shake off the blegch of winter and get out and into the sunshine! Speaking of, it is nothing short of criminal to keep me cooped up in here while it is 82 and sunny on the first day of Spring (and in a polyester sweater vest no less!!) but i digress. You guys came here for Astro!

The Sun, Moon, Mercury and Uranus- Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, the Universe has smiled on my Laziness and is allowing me to knock out all four of these in one go. So we have a powderkeg of mental and emotional energy sitting there, waiting to be set off with a slight challenge or slight to the ego. Tread carefully, but use the opportunity to propel yourself into the next chapter of your life. An opposition to Minerva tells you to be mindful, and not to act rashly (not an easy task when you're talking about Aries!). A square to Hera puts the strain back on your relationships, both of you are fighting to acheive your own goals, and are in hyper-focus mode. Don't allow that to spill out into the home front, because first and foremost, you are aliies. A conjunction to Atropos highlights that this is a time to bring certain things to their proper end, but an opposition to Klotho shows that this is just to make a place for something new, so for the love of all that is holy just let it go already. A square to Dionysius shows that this is not a great time to drown your sorrows in the substance of your choice, but instead its a great time to carve out some time to devote to getting your six pack back. Exercise is a great way to release endorphins, and its a lot better for you than any of those body-wrecking nasty drinks or drugs (and with Jupiter and Mars in Earth signs, it is all about your bod. Be good to it). A sextile to Karma shows that you have worked really hard lately, and now its time to reap the benefits from all that work. Of course, If you've been slacking, well... A square to Cyllarus tells you to avoid rushing headfirst into anything, take your time, dont let anyone pressure you into anything and heed wise counsel. A sextile to Altjira shows that you might have to risk offending people or being a little rough in order to break away and do your own thing. An opposition to Pandora shows that this could be a knee-jerk reaction, but go with your gut if it feels like the right thing to do. A conjunction to Tantalus gives you hope of something brand new and awesome just on the horizon, but its just a bit out of reach. A little bit of Courage is necessary to win the day. Finally, a conjunction to Hermes arms you with that little bit of charm and wit that you will need to cinch those amazing opportunities.

Venus- Our girl is very quiet, with a conjunction to Hephaistos indicating dissatisfaction with your current love situation, but remember that you will pay the price if you run off with that dangerous, sexy badass that you see across the bar. A trine to Ascelpius indicates that you really, really need to watch your health, especially when it comes to what you eat. No cheating on your diet!!

Mars- Where Venus is quiet, Mars is bellowing out to the sky. Okay, so we're still a ways out from Mars Direct, but the Sun going into exaltation in Aries is still a pretty big release from all the crap that Mars in Virgo brings up, as well as helping you put out the fires from a small, seemingly insignificant little detail that goes horribly awry. A square to the Nodes challenges you to put the past behind you and strike out boldy onto a new course. An opposition to Chiron demands that you put your ego behind you if you want to get anywhere; be careful of those acting out old wounds and dramas. A conjunction to Elatus brings high energy and high spirits, capitalize on it to win the day. An opposition to Teharonhiawako wants you to put some of that towards creative pursuits, and whatever you do is welll starred. A square to Juno highlights the same relationship issues talked about earlier, but with the added twist of power struggles and powerful egos. A square to Diana shows that you may feel as though your freedom is being threatened in some way. A square to Terpsichore shows that its hard for you to just sit back and relax, but your efforts are well placed in going after your bliss. Finally, an opposition to Itokawa shows that there is a sleeping giant being awakened within you, use the new strength that you are finding.

Jupiter- An opposition to Deucalion shows that you are taking on a lot of responsibility, and you will be noticed for it. Another opposition, to Ceto, shows that there is some danger lurking in the shadows, but its nothing that you can't handle. Another opposition, to Poseidon, tells you that there is some discord between what you know you should be doing and what you're actually doing. Quit making excuses and just DO IT!! Yet another opposition (jeez, what is going on here?) to Aphrodite echoes this, adding in the added fun of heightened emotional drama. A sextile to Magdalena forces you to question whether you are going down the right path. Trust that what you are doing is right.

Saturn- Well, what about Saturn? There is an opposition to 1992 QB1, so you may be feeling like you are stuck in a remake of Groundhog Day, just doing the same thing, over and over. Keep in mind that even though it doesn't feel like it, you are making progress. A trine to Eurydike highlights the drama that you are in, possibly with a distant partner, whether that is emotionally or physically. A square to Persephone also plays on this, adding in a bit of the old victim mentality. Stand up for yourself and break free

Neptune- Not a whole lot happening here. There's an opposition to Orcus, so make sure to take things at your own pace, and don't rush into anything. Above all else, don't make any promises that you can't keep. A square to Karma highlights this as well, and warns you of the consequences of breaking your word.

Pluto- A sextile to Poseidon has you lusting after some bold new venture that will launch you out into a brand new world of success, but don't do anything until Mercury goes direct if you can help it. A trine to Psyche shows that there may be something that your partner isnt telling you. Be patient and dont go into stalker mode. A conjunction to Ophelia heightens the drama and plays off any ego battles that you find yourself in. Avoid them at all costs. A trine to Arachne shows that you need to be mindful of your words right now, make sure that you aren't being to proud or someone will definitely come in to knock you off your throne, trust me! A trine to Eros tells you that right now you need to be doing what you love, and don't worry about the haters or anyone that tries to stop you.

All in all, great astro this time, but not so well starred for bold new actions, save that for April. Use this time to psych yourself up, and get stoqued for what's coming up.

And go check out the Fabulous Starzina Starfish-Brown (who is, of course, an Aries![Not that AstroGeek's Skywatch would ever show any bias, mind you!])  in Starzina Starfish-Brown's Time of the Month Horoscope for Aries!

Your Songs of the Zeitgeist-

Mercury Retrograde in Aries- The Loony Bin

Alright guys, here we go again: Mercury Retrograde! Get stoqued  (YaaAAAyy!!), because it is going to be off the hook. Forgive me if I ramble a bit, but this is muy importante!

The scene is set in Aries, on some bloodstained battlefield, with some generic dragon overhead. Cue our hero (aka you) armed with your wits and some quasi-mystical sword of sketchy origin. Cue dragon bellowing fire above your head. Cue you dropping your sword and getting the f&@! outta dodge.

Heroes: They just dont make them like they used to...

Anyway, here's the deal. Mercury is in Retro, and so is Mars (well, so is Saturn, but we'll get to him). Mercury is transiting a sign ruled by Mars, and Mars is transiting one ruled by Mercury. This is called mutual reception, and it ramps up the intensity of this retrograde, adding fuel to the fire of the doomsdayers who show up everytime Merc does this. Tip: he does this three times a year, and so far we've managed to get through every single one without fail. And it keeps us Astro-Twerps in business, so just go with it.

There is an escape clause however....

The very aspects that make it so intense are your way out in this case. Now you know how you always hear tons of crap about Merc Retro and avoid taking any action/making any decisions during this time? Well throw all that out the window, because we're about to get downright dangerous. Think of Mercury as the Gladius that cuts through all of Mars current crap, and Mars as the caution whispered into impetuous Mercury's ear. The two work together to ensure success this time around, with Saturn providing just enough of each to keep the balance for maximum effect.

Cool, no? I havent even got to the best part yet!

During this period, we're going to see the resugence of the Grand Earth Trine, but with a brand new twist- Miss Thang (aka Venus) is now in the mix, in a sexy conjunction to Jupiter, and these two will be dancing partners for some time now, culminating in the epic Transit of the Sun on 6/4 (spoilers!), but we'll talk about that in its proper time.

So you have bold action and energetic vigour, combined with Hyper-aware mindfulness bordering on psychopathic obsessive-compulsion to not f%^! up no matter what, add in your insane Pollyanna optimism and winning grin, while chucking everything that doesn't work out the window and shedding your old skin, fast and furious ALL WHILE making it look like its the easiest thing there is, like you don't have a care in the world (even though inside you're one step away from madness, trying to keep all your balls in the air)

Look, this is pure dead magic if you work it right. Its daunting, yes, but we all have our dragons, right? If you face them now, you get the princess (or prince) and half the kingdom after.

Worth it?