ASTROSCENE: Well I once was a sailor, and Sheila was my name...

…ask me again and I’ll tell you the same. Oh hey, didn’t see you there. Well I assume you want a post, right? Of course you do. Wouldn’t want to disappoint my adoring audience hanging on my every word; In lieu of them being here, however, I’ll have to make do with you lot. 

Now before we go any further, let’s give credit where credit is due. Mad props to Starzina over at ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com; without whom, this site would not be possible, and who I draw a lot of my snarky style from. She’s also the sexiest bitch on the internet, and makes wicked awesome videos, which you should really check out and maybe nominate for an Emmy, why not? Oh really? Well there’s always next year.

Alright, now let’s just dive in here and try to sort out all this muck, shall we? 

Miss Moon, fed up with Pallas prattling on and on about her strategy to get gay marriage legalized worldwide (or else), and Vesta’s 54 cats (who are all in heat) slips out the back door and heads to the pub for a quick drink to distress and plan out her next move. There, she runs into Neptune and Chiron, still crying over their miserable lives. She tries to cheer them up, but after a few drinks, she decides to call up her ex and leaves him a depressing voicemail.  Ennui prevails.

Mercury wakes up to some one night stand ranting about tequila and pancakes. No thank you. He throws that phone away and grabs one of the other 795 he has in case of emergencies. Psyche is having an effect on him; he loves how cerebral and logical she is, but he can’t understand her tendency to romanticize everything. He can however, use it to his advantage…

Checking in on Jupiter, JESUS, SHUT THE DOOR!!!!

Pluto debates calling Uranus to help in round 83 against Saturn. He decides against it, and goes for the scotch. 

Speaking of Uranus, Ceres is currently yelling at him, telling him to get a haircut, and something about pancakes.  

Juno comes back from her camping trip with Mars, and to both of their surprise it was actually a lot of fun. She tells the Sun all about it, and they share a laugh. 

Bored, Venus calls up her old friend Eris. And they hatch a plan. Last time it was just a war, this time, who knows? Watch out, Sue in Accounting!

Image courtesy of my sister, whose internet is so fast that she needs a helmet. Well, thats one reason anyway.