Sunday, July 31, 2011

ASTROSCENE: Corona-nation!

Corona-nation time, Get your commemorative mugs here, just 3 quid! And thats cutting me own throat! Ask about our two-for three specials and our genuine crown jewels!!

Oh, sorry, didnt see you there. Mind the mugs.

Right, so today is the big day! The royal we and all that....mmhm....cordially invited to attend....coronation of his holy flatulence...Our lord regent....the Sun! Sounds posh!

Ok, im done. Apologies on being a tad behind the ball on this one, but big stuff is in the works, lots to do, you know how it is. Plus you try getting anything accomplished with both Mercury and Neptune squaring your Sun, and Retrograde too, no less. But enough about emo-mumblings and excuses, you came for an astroscene!! Oh, you wanted a mug? Here you go, 6 quid.

For the rest of you, lots to talk about today. The Sun and Moon finally meet in the royal chamber pot, leading to an awkward breakfast. After the initial awkwardness, the two remember all the good times, and how great they both are. Ahhhhh, pleasurable company at last! Later on, Jupiter starts a shouting match, leading to a clash of the windbags. Doors are slammed, Mothers are insulted, and Quiches are baked. Both refuse to apologize, yet move on with their day. Eris hangs out in the kitchen, giving the Moon relationship advice. Psyche and Venus go shopping and let the boys duke it out, but not before grabbing the black Amex. Vulcan avoids everybody.

Pallas, who at this point is little more than a paparazzo hanging out behind the palace, digs through the trash and finds the receipts from Venus' little shopping excursion. Turns out that black Amex was directly linked to the tax funds. Whoopsie... Uranus tries to stage a coup, rallying the common man to fight the oppressive regime, but it doesn't get farther than the corner Starbucks. Chiron nods approvingly, though, and tosses a dollar into his hat while Neptune plays the bongo drums.

Juno goes over to the palace to help smooth over this PR disaster, and proceeds to shout at everybody. Ceres tries to lock her in the attic, but Venus sides with Juno and sends Ceres back to the kitchen. Steaming mad, she almost burns the place down.

Sick of Eris and her games, Mars offers to take Pluto to the gym. 3 minutes later, they both storm out of the place and drive home separately. What transpired in there shall not be discussed, as i would have to change the content warning on my site. Suffice it to say Pluto will not be invited back there for a good long while.

Saturn helps Vesta find a new place, after she gets evicted for her cats. He finds her this great second floor walk-up that has plenty of space, so she can use it for her crystal healing practice. Yoga on thursdays.

Eros goes to collect Jupiter, and instead he finds his old buddy Vulcan. Eros stocks up on some new arrows, and they catch up on old times. Eros promises to find a nice girl to shoot for him.

Turning to Mercury....wait, where'd he go? This cant be good....

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  1. This sentence was in a horoscope email I got this morning, no lie: "August 1 will shine as flirty Venus blows a kiss to bubbly, unconventional Uranus".

    So tell me about your crown jewels...

  2. Oh that is too good! I totally missed that trine! Of course they forgot to mention what happens next...

    "Uranus, being denser than a brick of lead, mistakes the kiss as the first wave of an attack by invisible bees and launches a full scale offensive. Venus rolls her eyes and moves on."

    Btw, apologies about the god-awful cockney huckster impression lol