Saturday, July 16, 2011

ASTROSCENE: Technical Difficulties

Alright guys, fair warning: I write this while I have some mild heat stroke and have been up for 39 straight hours. Therefore, I make no promises on the coherence or the logic, much less the punctuation on this post. That being said; Game on.

When we last left our cast, everything went up in flames for Pluto. He goes in the corner to sulk and listen to Dashboard Confessional for a while. We’ll leave him to it. Saturn, Inc., impressed with the Moon’s brutal attack, calls and offers her a job. She takes one look at Pluto in the corner and asks when she can start. She heads to lunch with Pallas and Vesta, who really need to get out of the house, and they discuss a fair trade, sustainable investment strategy to reinvent Saturn’s image for their huge PR campaign.

Psyche has moved into Mercury’s pad, we’ll see how long that lasts (I give it a month).

Venus and the Sun are still inseparable, but he is beginning to get fed up with her, and is starting to play passive-aggressive power games. Unfortunately, he will lose, because he doesn’t know how to lie.

Ceres has tracked Uranus down and is giving him a big dose of reality. Defeated, he comes back to the city with her.

Jupiter is still…well lets not talk about that for a while. Just tell me when they’re done.

Chiron finally caught up to Neptune in a bar (go figure). The lonely sea god is sitting there nursing a beer with a cockeyed party hat on. Everyone forgot his birthday… The two have a good cry, and go back home to drink some more.

Mars has an existential crisis. Apparently 24-inch biceps and washboard abs aren’t everything. He and Juno decide to go camping. Of course, this is Mars we’re talking about, so they go to Death Valley. I hear its lovely this time of year.

Image courtesy of my dad, who still thinks he is good at fixing things.

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