Wednesday, July 27, 2011

ASTROSCENE: Prima Donnas

Act 2, Scene 385,622:  Enter Sun, stage right, in obscenely purple robes with overindulgent fur trim, waving regally to his adoring public. Cross to center stage; Sun trips on robes and falls flat on his face. Pause for uproarious laughter.

Get your tomatoes ready guys, its time for target practice.

As the Sun makes his failed entrance with Psyche on his arm looking gorgeous as always, minor gaffe all but forgiven; her ex, Eros stands on in the crowd with Jupiter, seething with rage. Feeling those familiar tinges of jealousy, coupled with the initial feelings of passion for the overblown windbag fading fast, he dreams wistfully of better times while stringing up his bow. Jupiter looks on crossly. No, wait; hes just cross-eyed. Either way, storm clouds are brewing.

Meanwhile, the Moon goes into full-tilt rescue mode with Mars, who has been reduced to a jumpy, paranoid mess every time the phone rings. Promising too much to too many people, he is swarmed by a legion of exes. Drama ensues, causing him to lock himself away from everyone and shut down his twitter. He starts reading Kerouac and dreaming of a life on the road. The Moon puts an end to that nonsense and helps him start dealing with real life again. Feelings are discussed.

Moving to Venus, we find our favourite girl at the end of her rope. Between the financial strain of living alone, and the emotional train wreck of Venus without a boytoy (slave), she grows despondant and takes on some of Vesta's excess cats. Mercury is sympathetic, but unsuprisingly unhelpful, while Juno offers to help her with some of the cleaning and decor.

Pallas Athene takes to the media to analyze the Sun's conduct and bash him for his gaffe, calling it all sorts of high-minded political words. This wins her no points with the crowd, but wins her a lawsuit from the crown. Vesta's cat count reaches critical mass at 143. Saturn calls the APL.

Speaking of Saturn, he executes his plan for world domination. After a slight hiccup involving the frozen vegetable markets, the entire thing falls apart. He broods for the rest of the day. Next time, more staplers.

Eris wreaks havoc with the divine order. More at 11.

Ceres and Uranus find a suprising ally in Neptune and Chiron. Between the four of them, they hatch a plan to end all the silliness that the others are indulging themselves in. Unfortunately, Mercury and Juno were eavesdropping. Good luck seeing that one go well.

Finnally, we turn to Pluto. He is in the middle of torching everything around him, so we'll come back to him next time. Glad to see hes gotten over that emo phase he was in last time. Oh, wait; hes just looking for his ipod. Such a drama queen. 

Until next time!


  1. love it! :D -ella

  2. Pluto needs a valium. You're awesome :)

  3. lmao that he does! thanks sherri!

  4. and thank you ella! (since apparently my comment didnt post last time)