Monday, July 9, 2012

AstroScene: Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap

Well, I have three consults that Im woefully behind on, TNOs to do, and Im pretty sure I need to wash my clothes (I think a small colony of scorpions have started to build a complex city in my laundry pile....) but screw it, I want to bring back the Astro-Scene (something Sue from Accounting keeps telling me I will regret later. Im not sure why I even talk to my mortal enemy about the direction of the site, but it came up during a break in our ongoing deathmatch.) so thats what Im going to do. Ive strung you guys along for long enough, I think.

Diving right in...  

The Sun is struck by a case of ennui, and is inconsolable until Psyche brings him a homecooked meal and just sits with him, talking about everything and nothing and watching trash T.V, until its nighttime and they decide to go out and hit the town. Surprisingly, a good time is had by all and no clubs are burnt to the ground.

The Moon gets sick of feeling like a wet noodle and goes to hang out with Uranus and Pallas Athene to alleviate her boredom and clear her head. Mars invites himself to the party (come on, its Uranus. Of course it becomes a party.) and the Moon takes offense to this. They glare at each other the entire time, refusing to acknowledge the other's presence until they both reach for the last mini-quiche. From there, it devolves into WW4, with several small nations getting involved. Mars actually loses this one, due to brilliant strategy from the combined minds of Uranus and Pallas Athene. The whole process takes about 3 days, and afterwards everyone is happy again, and Mars is actually invited to the victory party, where there is enough mini-quiche for everybody. Vienna sausages however, are gone within the first ten minutes.

Mercury is enlisted to write a screenplay on the recent conflict over the mini-quiches, however he is just far too busy at the moment to take on any more projects. And next time, bring something that actually has a believable premise and can have robots worked in, thank you very much. Neptune and Chiron come in with the same script and convince him. Due to his brilliant writing and brilliant casting (Venus as the love interest, Jupiter as the Hero), the whole thing makes a boatload of money and is up for several awards.
Speaking of Venus, she and Jupiter are given an enticing offer from Pluto. They refuse to talk about it, but are all smiles afterwards. Ceres also knows, but she sure isnt telling. She's too angry about not getting the offer too. There will be a reckoning (honestly Pluto, you think you would have learned from last time. Le sigh)

Saturn takes a rare day off, and to everyone's surprise the world keeps spinning. He cooly makes a note of this, and resolves to make sweeping changes. Eros advises against this, and reminds him that actually, days off are quite nice and maybe more of them wouldnt be such a bad idea. Saturn says nothing, but crosses out his note. Eris pays a visit and the two call a cease fire and play croquet. Eris trounces him of course, but they actually have a good time playing.

Vesta runs into some money troubles, and calls up Juno (who has somehow become a criminal mastermind while no one was looking) for a loan. She happily lends her the money, but demands her cats as collateral. Vesta blanches, but agrees to the terms. Current count- 0 cats. This enables her to not only pay her bills, but actually clean up her place, and reminds her that her house is actually quite nice. She even gets to do some gardening (with Sedna's help), and resolves to have a party straightaway.

All in all, a good day. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go bake something.

-The AstroGeek


  1. Heh: "Come on, its Uranus. Of course it becomes a party."

    Starzina is rubbing off on you. (Ooops...did that sound dirty?)

  2. Lol I suppose so! Do you think the Interwebz can handle it? And please, the dirtier the better! Daddy needs more subscribers!!