Tuesday, March 29, 2016

TNO Watch: Heracles

Helios: You guys, lets not beat around the bush- Shit is TOUGH right now. Our challenges loom large on the horizon, threatening to swallow us whole. I wont lie to you- it IS more than we can do alone. We need help to overcome these obstacles.

Ladies and gentlemen, we need a hero.

The Astronomy: 5143 Heracles is an Apollo asteroid, Mercury grazer, Mars crosser and near-Earth object discovered on November 7, 1991 by Shoemaker, C. S. at Palomar Observatory. It was discovered to be a binary asteroid by Arecibo Observatory in December 2011. Heracles has an insanely erratic orbit (Not as bad as Damocles) of 2 years and 175 days, but can go from 3.24 AU to 0.41 AU! It spends the majority of its 2.48 year orbit in the signs Aquarius, Pisces, Aries and Taurus, and then goes through the remaining eight signs in less than a year. Sometimes it retrogrades back through as many as four signs before it turns direct. But, amazingly, not once in these 200 years is it retrograde in the signs Cancer through Sagittarius! In other words, in its present orbit, it never goes retrograde throughout one-half of the zodiac. (wikipedia and Zane Stein)

The Mythology: Come on, this isn't exactly one of my obscure ones, we're all at least vaguely familiar with Heracles, right? Heracles was named for the Greek god of strength, a son of Zeus and Alkmene, a mortal princess of Thebes who is better known as Hercules. Persecuted by Hera throughout his life for being Zeus' illegitimate offspring and endangered at times by his arrogance and ungovernable passions, Hercules performed numerous astonishing feats of physical strength, like his epic Twelve Labors, which he did to expiate the murder of his wife Megara and his children in a fit of madness brought on by Hera. He shot the centaur Nessus for molesting his second wife Deianira and Nessus, as he lay dying, told Deianira that a shirt dipped in his blood would restore Hercules' faithfulness should he ever stray from his vows. When he did, Deianira sent him the shirt, which stuck to his flesh and caused him to immolate himself on a pyre to escape his agony, after which he ascended to Olympus and was made a god.
The Astrology: Heracles in mythology is a gigantic figure- his myths abound! So lets break it down- Obviously there is his strength and courage, not to mention his sexual appetites, matched only by his father! But what else is there? Digging deeper, we see abandonment, having to succeed on one's own. Wild passions that are both a cause of strength and a source of self-undoing, if improperly channeled. Achieving greatly, but only after enduring more hardship than is reasonable. A grand quest to prove to one's own self that you are worthy. A life in service to others, never allowed to truly break free and find happiness for yourself. Not being in control of one's own destiny. To me, Heracles is a decidedly tragic figure, which is fitting regarding his connection to the Centaurs. I really like Mark Andrew Holmes' take, giving the keywords of contending or struggling with something, damaged or destroyed by one's own strength, passion barely in or out of control, prodigious feats, exaltation after death. Clearly he is a greatly flawed figure, but only by facing his flaws, and not running from the challenges that he was set. I can think of no greater role model and source of strength for us right now than the great Heracles!
To find out where he shows up in your chart, go to, put in your birth details and in the extended options, all the way at the bottom there will be a menu of additional objects. Under that is a blank space where you can enter the number 5143, for Heracles. Once you have it entered, generate the chart! Where does Heracles affect your life?

Monday, March 28, 2016

Venus in Aries- Cadence

Bella Jovan by Jackie Baisa, CCL

Helios' ASTROLOGICAL reading of Venus in Aries (4/6-5/1/16)
"If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?" -Rupaul

Okay, so I love this transit. Shocking, I know, as Venus and I NEVER get along. Luckily, this is my natal placement so this is the one time we can stop fighting and work together, like a hero-villan teamup. The peace is usually more or less kept until Cancer, and then its back at each others throats... But thats another day. This is Aries!!!

Now, the key to this transit is in that quote. Now I live for all things Rupaul, and I have heard that particular quote more times than I can count, but it was always one that I have just brushed off, it's just her send-off every episode (if you dont know Rupaul, or any of her wildly successful shows, please stop what you are doing and go binge on them IMMEDIATELY). The thing is though, the more you think about it, the more profound it is. If you cant love yourself, how can you love anyone else? I mean you can pretend, sure. But can you REALLY feel love for anyone else if you don't show it and give it to yourself, first and foremost? How is that fair to you? Are you not deserving of your own love?

At that last question you should have had a knee-jerk reaction, a small voice in the back of your head involuntarily whispering "no". I want you to chase down the source of that insecurity, really sit with and be present with it- figure out why it is that you have conditioned yourself to think so little of yourself, treating yourself so badly. When you realize what it is, it will probably be a surface-level bad thing you did, or habit/addiction you have, whatever- Dig deeper and you will find that that pattern or action has come about BECAUSE of your lack of self-love. Once you dig deeper than that and expose the real fear at the core, the magic will happen.

I am hardly one to lecture on this. I will be the first to admit that I LOATHE myself, I can't stand my own company at all. I am harder on myself than I will ever need to be, and harder than anyone else ever could be. I am so cruel to myself that it could be seen as a breach of my constitutional rights under the 8th Amendment. I am not good at what this transit is challenging us to do. Still, we MUST do this and we have to get it right. We will do it together, and lordt knows its going to be a rough ride. Luckily, I can call in a favor on this one. My good friend Asmoday has prepared a great lesson and exercise on how to overcome this, and I can personally attribute to its effectiveness.

We can do this. We can do better. We can stop being frauds and finally reach our true potential, not being hindered by ourselves. We can overcome our saboteur.

Can I get an Amen?

Artemis TAROT reading of Venus in Aries
Cards:  3 of Cups and Ace of Wands

“One bowman must hunt Sekhmet-Hathor… as she shifts, one phase Destroyer of Humankind, the next, Goddess of Love…” – On the Scarlet Lady, Unknown

No human can stand in a fire and not be consumed.  But we have no choice, do we?  Venus is entering Aries, and she becomes like Helen of Troy in this cosmic coupling.  We will be COMPELLED as if by some magnetic force toward the things we desire.  We will find excitement here, and a new sense of daring.  Dare to take that leap into love that Aries do so well (though ever fleeting, god damn commitment-phobe rams).  There is a lot of impulsive fire coming from this tarot reading, so I’m sure there will be a tremendous amount of impulsive romantic and sexual activity kicking in.  The Tarot cards I drew to describe the energy that is coming from this configuration are the 3 of Cups and Ace of Wands; both very spontaneous energies. 

I’m really relieved, guys.  We really needed this kind of energy to carry us through the next few weeks.  This transit actually looks really, really good.  I know Helios is just as excited for this Venus in Aries as I am.  We both kinda have an Aries fetish.  Not gunna lie. 

I can already hear the egos of every single Aries inflating as they read that.

People who are born with Venus in Aries in their natal charts are very courageous lovers.  They will immediately pursue an object of their desire and usually succeed in getting what they want.  Why?  Because who the hell doesn't love to feel desired?  Aries energy is lifeblood.  We crave it.  We get drunk off of it and end up doing stupid shit.  But, you know what?  It's FINE.  “Why is it fine, Artemis?”  WELL, because looking at the card reading, it looks like that very 3 of Cups fun loving, drunkenness is what is going to lead to the creative fire that is the Ace of Wands.  The 3 of Cups is traditionally depicted as 3 women having a blast dancing together (probably getting smashed off of wine).  It’s letting go.  It’s allowing a situation to turn into a fun time. 

We are all fucking stressed and broken down from what we see looming ahead of us and all of the corpses of our enemies behind us.  Let Aries do us this one solid and ride the chill the fuck out Venus train.  3 of Cups represents play and carefree socializing.  We have to learn to let go and trust and succumb to Venusean love energy right now. 

Am I asking you to play with fire?  Yes. 

Don’t hesitate.  An Aries never hesitates.  The cards are saying, “If you do this (if you emanate the 3 of cups), you will be rewarded with the Ace of Wands.”  What is the ace of wands? Well, punks, it is the symbol for pure sex and creativity.  It is the divine spark.  It is the first whisperings of a muse in your ear.  It is the smirk on an artist’s face as they suddenly realize exactly what they need to do.  It is inspiration in its purest and most malleable form.

Where is the seat of all creativity?  The Hindu Chakra system would say the Sacral Chakra.  Yes, that would be your sex chakra (also associated with self-worth).  The tarot would say the suit of Wands, which is also associated with sexuality.  The desires that Venus brings to us alchemically transform us.  No human can stand in a fire and not be consumed.  It’s time to take the Aries leap of faith and rise from the ashes. 

In short: Pursue the things you love with zeal, no hesitation, and do it genuinely.  Flowing, not fighting against them, is best right now because the things that you desire will be harder to resist anyway.  Probably for good reason.  It’s fine.  If you give in, the cards say you will get a nice, inspirational reward.  Probably a muse.

Cross your fingers for a muse. 

Please allow yourself to receive the word of our Lady of Beauty and Love!  I promise you the communion is far more fun than that of most of the other stiff collared gods.  

Friday, March 25, 2016

New Moon in Aries- Hostile Takeover

:) by Mark Lewin, CCL
Effective Date  for Aries New Moon:  4-7-16

Helios: Hope you enjoyed your break guys, because this one is going to be LIVE. No rest for the wicked this time, and man these are some wicked skies. Its like being shaken out of our stupor in the morning, 3 hours early, with an air horn. Nothing about this is kind. Nothing about it is easy. To get through this, you will need grit, you will need passion and determination- You will need to soldier up. You will also need to be just a little insane! Or maybe more than a little, it all depends.

Diving right in...

Artemis: "Coincidence doesn't exist and goosebumps never lie.  Your body already knows the answer.  All you have to do is turn down your spinning mind, and continue to follow all the signs.  Because you are always worthy of becoming your best and most actualized self."   - Victoria Erickson

Fuck, I hope you're all ready.  We're kinda out in the wilderness now  (astrologically speaking).  We've entered the rabbit hole.   This is the world of "when you thought you had one drink, you've really had two."  I don't know about you,  but the howling from that last full moon still has me a bit rattled.  Anyone else feel that crushing sensation?  Well.  Guess what?  It was needed.  That was the exact energy we were begging for to burst out of our suffocating hibernation.  Well, at least those of us with some backbone were asking for it!  For those of you who chose to follow your highest ideals, SALUD!  Congratulations!  Good fucking morning!  You've woken up into a new dawn.  2 Weeks after the Full Moon Eclipse in Libra, the moon wanes into darkness.  It's dark goddess time, and it's new moon Aries time.  That combination alone brings to mind a blazing, rumbling Volcano, exhaling the skeleton for new worlds over the ocean waters.  It's time to lay the foundation of our attitude for the next Zodiac cycle.  Are you going to do this?  Or are you going to lay back into the Piscean waters of 2015 cycle and get lost at sea until you wake up 5 years from now and realize you did nothing with your life again?  Sorry, gotta tell it like it is.  Don't shoot the messenger.  So.  Aries is the sign of the pioneer, and you wont be able to get into this new cycle of things if you aren't willing to explore and do a bit of battle.  Although the planets may be bombarding us right now, these tarot cards are definitely rooting for you guys.

Helios: Sun, Moon, Saturn, Uranus, Pluto- Yep. Its another Super Sayian lunation. Your feeling right now is that you are beset from enemies on all sides. To a point, you are right- but you are not seeing that your attitudes and perception is what is causing those people to oppose you, says Rhiphonos. You believe that you are in the right, that your way is the only way, and by design that alienates those around you who have other ideas and their own perceptions. Niobe confirms this, telling you that this is coming from a place of deep insecurity and self-loathing- those baboons with the smallest testicles yell the loudest. You are throwing your weight around, trying to assert your strength- but Sila-Nunam warns that you would be better served to stop, try and force yourself to let your insecurities about the situation go, and stay open to the ideas and input of those around you. It will save you from walking a lonely road in the future. If you do find yourself in a conflict, Icarus and Astraea beg you to get out of it, rather than engage those that you falsely see as an enemy. If you don't, or must engage, Phaethon warns that you will crash and burn, and you more likely than not will lose that person as a friend or ally for good. Battle lines are being drawn and there will be friends and family on opposite sides of everything right now. All is not lost though- after the conflagration, Deucalion will be there to help you rebuild, though it will take work, and you will need to prioritize what is important to you. No time for fun, get your work done. Interestingly though, even with all the sturm un drang, this is a time of beginnings, not one of endings according to Klotho. And the future, while terrifying, is nonetheless bright, and in that we have allies of Iris telling us that these stormy skies WILL clear, and Varda, who leaves us with this: Everyone is looking for the light, looking for a hero. Why not let it be you? Fill the void for others. Try being a paragon for once, instead of just a renegade.

Artemis: Moon-  For Luna herself, I pulled the Page of Swords.  Unsure little Page of Swords.  She's quite adorable.  And she's lost in the woods, just like fucking us.  I mean, we prepared.  We prepared a lot.  We were bombarded with some weird shit the past couple of months (make that year), and we really, really thought we were ready.  Well, we're in the game now, so we better start to learn how to play.  The Page of Swords represents an individual who has the knowledge necessary to complete the task at hand but lacks the confidence.  Eternally in a cautious stance, the figure in this card is intellectually mulling over their infinite options of action.  This card always reminds me of an uber nerdy kid feeling out of her element at a party.  She could crush the brains of everyone there, but lacks the confidence in herself to do so with any sort of flair.  Fortunately for us, we have a secret weapon.  It's Aries' personal mantra.  "Why the fuck not?"  We have all of this Aries energy.  What are we to do with it?  We are to wage war and slaughter the hordes of  enemies descending upon us.  You think I'm joking?  We need to reign in this Aries energy and use it to our advantage.  Don't let the ram roundhouse kick you off of the cliff.  Aries energy is not something that most can handle.  It is unpredictable.  It's powerful.  It's wild.  It's sexy.  It's completely and utterly bone headed.  In order to tame a wild beast, one must remain calm and poised.  We can take this lesson from the Page of Swords - calculation.  From here, we must move.  Don't forget to move.  Don't forget to act.  Don't get sucked back into the illusion.  You've got what it takes and intuitively understand what you must do.  Don't let anybody fucking intimidate you.

Sun-  For the Sun, I pulled 6 of Cups.  Lost things returned.  I saw two things when I looked at this card.  First, it is suggesting that in order for us to harness this Aries Sun energy, we must remember how to smell the flowers again.  When you're a kid (or when you're on psychedelics), you see the world through hungry eyes.  Try and look at your mundane world in this way, and the magic will begin to pop.  Are you sick of your routine?  There is a lesson in everything; even drudgery.  Why do you think the karate kid had to wax cars and Luke had to lug Yoda through swampland?  Find the magical flow, stop to enjoy things that can bring you some worldly pleasure, and something precious and lost may return to you.  The inspiration you seek will come to you from the dreamy, pleasure seeking behaviors you take.  Flirt with the world.  Seriously, give it a try.  It flirts back.  So, what was my second intuition about this card?  The past, the past, the past.  Are you slaying those dragons?  Are you telling your past to fuck off?  It's time.  Make like Lot and don't look behind you unless you want to see things you love turn into salt pillars.  Look back only with sweet nostalgia.  Forget the bitter.  Save that bite for what's coming and let dead things lie in their graves.

Saturn-  For Papa Saturn, I pulled Knight of Pentacles.  This is reminiscent of the Saturn Retrograde reading I did recently.  Daddy of Karma is telling us to get our shit together.  He is giving us this opportunity to rearrange and change course.  Use it wisely.  Especially pay attention to the things that you see every single day.  There may be re-ordering required that you hadn't noticed before.  This is a time for foundation laying.  Make sure the skeleton is sturdy, because we are building to the heavens.

Uranus-  For Uranus, I pulled the 5 of Swords.  Where the inner planets are all lovey dovey cups, the outer planets seem to be daggers and serious shit.  This could indicate that although we are connecting to each other at very deep levels on the micro, the macro is going haywire.  Uranus tells us that there is some negative energy brewing on the planet.  We feel disconnected from the world at large.  The powers that be have taken a selfish approach to our lives, and it looks like the growling coming from Uranus is his indication that karma is rolling back around.  Chaos is coming to break those of us who have taken selfish actions against those who selflessly trusted us.  Rebellion is on the horizon in the macro.  Perhaps we will soon start getting our fair share?    

Pluto-  For Pluto, I pulled the Knight of Cups.  Bloody idealism.  Pluto is giving the macro an idealistic fervor.  Unfortunately, this applies to all ideologies.  Plutonian transformation in your personal life?  It seems that once you drink from the Knight's cup, your eyes will be opened to bliss.  He tells us to let go of our mental restrictions and walk in the world of pure intuition.  Interact with people in your life at a gut level (and hold on tight, because the transformations that will happen because of this will be immense).  Pluto is going to force us to live up to our ideals or suffer.  I don't know about you, but I'm done suffering.

Helios: Mercury, Venus- Okay, so this is a throwback energy. No, I don't care that Mercury is in Aries and looking forward- At the end of the day he is still going to go Retrograde shortly. For this, you will need to do some regression. You have grown as a person, that is undeniable. To get through this, you will need to salvage parts of you that you had killed and buried. There is a certain savagery that is needed, and you once had it, but have moved past it. It is waiting for you to reclaim it, and now you must for what lies ahead. Crantor and Makemake show that your very survival is at stake here. You fear what you once were, and you fear being a slave to it, but there is gold in the cave you enter- Not to say that you don't fear for good reason- You have to choose between your progress and your future- Not everyone is up to making that choice. It is tough, it is not fair, and it will not be decided by avoiding responsibility in making that decision. Even if you have no good choices, you still have to choose. I could give you platitudes about how you will be able to stuff your monster back in its cage, but I can't make that promise. Each of us have a different fight to win, and not all of us will. At least not right away. Quaoar and Huya tell us that all is not lost because of this compromise- in fact it could very well be the key to your future success! You have had time away from your dark side and it has been great for you- Your darkness may have grown as well, for good or ill. Either way, the way forward is to reintegrate and USE it. Even though when you cut it away, it no longer served you, that doesn't change the fact that it is still YOURS. It it YOU. Bring it in from the cold.

Artemis: Mercury-  For Mercury, I pulled 3 of Cups.  This card represents good times with friends, drinking and merriment, time with your tribe, and spontaneous pleasurable happenstance.  Those that speak your language will be very important right now.  Who can you speak from the heart with?  Stick to those people.  They will lay the foundation for ideas to start blossoming.  If you need to get unstuck, talk to those who bring about this joyous, inspirational, and freeing energy into your life.  Healing will come from our "tribe."  Find each other.  We need each other.  Especially right now.

Venus-  Well, for Venus I pulled the 2 of Cups.  I dunno.  It's spring.  Our blood is pumping again.  Beltane (May Day) is a month away, and this isn't the season to sit and stay.  Run around and play.  Fall in love with something.  Someone.  I don't know.  This card has a lion on it and two lovers sharing a cup.  It takes great strength to be vulnerable with someone else; especially at the level this card is speaking of.  The lovers are sharing their lifeblood; letting each other drink of their personal truths.  Affection and openness can save you now.  Find those that you can meld mind and heart with, and allow the truth to flow and become the foundation of this year's values.  Venus is, after all, the planet that rules over personal values.  You may come to some powerful realizations about the importance of certain people in your life, or experience the emergence of some electrifying personas.  Gravitate toward these people!  If you don't have anything like this in your life, say GOODBYE ASSHOLES to the imitation pieces in your life.  Seriously, what's the friggin point of existing in that mundane hell?  You will understand when you ditch the basic and upgrade to those who speak your language.  For those of you who already have met your tribe, cheers!  You will truly feel the benefits of those relationships right now.      

Mars, Neptune- Water + Fire = Steam. Harness it and move forward, or do nothing and be boiled alive. Tempers and Passions are already at a boiling point and ready to spill over. You must not be the one to stir the pot and allow this to happen- Especially not with Eros in the mix. Isis shows us that if you are, you will be the one who has to pick up the pieces of what it once was, and it will never be the same. Luckily, Asbolus and Kassandra help you see flashpoints from a long way off, even if no one else does or will listen to you. Altjira echoes the prior warnings, avoid rather than engage, even if it means looking as though you are weak or indolent. Better that than getting bogged down in an unnecessary conflict. Of course, this time to escape you may need to go under, rather than above, with the underworld goddesses Eurydike and Persephone in play- You don't know all the facts in these situations. Vital information is being consciously withheld from you, and the only way to go forward is blindly, as best as you can. Make sure that you cultivate an air of confidence and assure everyone else that you are in charge, as Juno will not let the peons forget who is actually queen around these parts. Work with her and not against her.

Artemis: Mars-  For Mars, I pulled the Lovers.  Well, sounds like everyone is gunna get laid?  Mars and The Lovers together obviously implies a lot of sexual energy.  Coupled with the rest of the inner planets (3 of Cups for Mercury, 2 of Cups for Venus), it seems we are brimming with emotional drunkenness.  Oh god.  Careful out there.  Hmm...  Perhaps this is indicating that the push we need to succeed and to jump into our calling will come from those we share intimate connections with?  There needs to be a melding of mind and body right now.  Mars is the god of war or whatever, but right now he seems to be a bit subdued (perhaps due to his retrograde coming at us on April 17).  TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS!  War god is only sweet when he has physical indulgences.  We had some abrupt changes in partnerships in our lives lately.  There were a lot of painful hits to our friendships and relationships, but now is the time to meld again.  There is opportunity to form some incredible partnerships if we jump at opportunity like a Saggo.  If you have been sitting on your feelings, now is the time to make a move on it.

Neptune-  For Neptune, I pulled the Magician.  Here we go, guys.  Nothing is as it seems, so we might as well take advantage of this.  The veil is thin right now, so work your magic.  Put your intentions into everything you do.  Push your emotions through your eyes, your words, and your touch.  A magician understands their environment and how to manipulate it to their advantage.  This may be a great time for dream magic and divination, art and seduction.  This may also be a good time to severe addictions, as you may come into power over your illusions.

Helios: Jupiter- Again, Papa Jupiter is off by his own. Probably for the best- If you are watching the US elections, Trump is the perfect example of Jupiter gone horribly, horribly wrong, with no checks or restraints. Luckily, that's not the case at the moment. Jupiter is perfectly poised to help us create our wildest dreams of what could be, and bring them into reality. The scary part is when that power is actually used- For many people, what Trump is espousing is paradise, to continue the analogy. One man's heaven is another man's Hell. Therefore, Vesta and Cyllarus say you must use this to carve out a slice of heaven for yourself, and no one else, in line with your ideals and no one else's. You must be a bit cold and calculating with this, and wait for the right moment to make this a reality, according to Thereus. Yes, overall the time is ripe to do so, and now is the time to act, but your situation will provide an opportune moment that is impossible for me to narrow down in a general scope like this- Call me for a consult instead. Siwa confirms this, reminding us that everything has a moment, a season- working with the cycle produces success, going against it causes only heartache and struggle. Be smart about this- Do for you before you try to do for anyone else, this gives you a much better platform for maximum affect in both your life and anyone you try to assist.

Artemis: Jupiter-  For Jupiter, I pulled the 6 of Swords.  What losses are you grieving?  It is time to let go and get to the other shore.  Heal.  Move on.  Jupiter asks us to expand away from this grief and come into joy.  There is a karma coming to haunt us from the past (thanks Saturn retrograde), but please don't let it sink your ferry.  Ghosts are eternally hungry, and we don't have enough food on this boat to feed them and us while also managing to get to the other side alive.  There is only room on this boat for the living.  We are in a transition period.  Things are going to be hostile and your enemies are going to try and overtake you.  You need to destroy their thunder by not giving a fuck.  Seriously, you will find your power when you realize you can walk away at any time.  Don't let melancholy overtake you when you have so much beauty around you if you just step outside to see it.

Moon:  Page of Swords
Sun:  6 of Cups
Mercury:  3 of Cups
Venus:  2 of Cups
Mars:  The Lovers
Jupiter:  6 of Swords
Saturn:  Knight of Pentacles
Uranus:  5 of Swords
Neptune:  Magician
Pluto:  Knight of Cups

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Mercury in Taurus- Fools


*Wakes up groggily, hungover* Ugh, my head... Okay, lets see, where are we in time right now? *rifles through papers, dusts off old books* Of course that's relative to your perspective, but my head hurts far too much to go into quantum mechanics right now... Never go out with Klorfors. Oh, okay- Mercury in Taurus. Sure. Why not. Oh wait, in 2016? Now that's a fun year! Lucky bastards get all the good ones...

So traditional logic would demand some sort of dreary, trudge-on, nose-to-the-grindstone from this transit, but y'all come here because we are anything but traditional! Keeping with that, we are entering a moment when the rules aren't going to make sense for a while. They are not going to be the same ones that we have been playing with all this time. This is the Cardinal Crisis again, but its not. The Cardinal Crisis was a warmup act. This is the main event- More on that soon next week. That's right, the transit that keeps me up at night (not just because my roommate stole my fan again and I'm out of Ambien) I am going to go into detail about. Get into it.

Before you do though, get into this- Mercury in Taurus. Here is where you are going to want to start to cultivate the attitude that will get you through. I want you to repeat after me: "No one gets out alive". This life is not something to be taken seriously. We are all going to die. Trying so desperately to achieve, win, make something out of this life... It's taking away from the greater experience of this life. Only by embracing your mortality, coming to terms with the minuscule number of moments you are given, can you possibly come out the other side, at peace with your life instead of racing the clock; And once you do, LAUGH for chrissakes! It is all just so absurd! Have the most fun that you can, wring pleasure from every moment, so that when there is less pleasure to go around, you have something to comfort you in your memories.

Each of us is given precious few moments and precious little madness. We mustn't waste either. We must become jesters, fools, refusing to allow society, time, or our conditioning to  make fools of us- rather we must rebel against these sacred, austere institutions and give their ivory towers a fresh coat of paint. Preferably neon green or electric blue (Ooooooh, or maybe Purple Pizzaz!).

Taurus is the life force. Breathe it in deep. Treasure the moments you are given and don't give back a one of them.

Tarot:  5 of Wands and 8 of Cups
Runes: Thurisaz and Fehu

"Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet."  -  Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Battles.  Battles everywhere.  Aries has trampled us on his way in, inflaming everything around us with red hot energy.  The Full Moon Eclipse in Libra felt like our final elation.  It is a good feeling, isn't it, knowing that your decisions are finally set in motion?  And as things get rolling, Taurus in Mercury comes along to tell us to be mindful.

Patience, my friends.  Saturn is about to go retrograde, and Mercury also going to beg us to slow down, open up, and get to the point.  You may feel the need to hack into all of your ideas at once.  That's fine, but make a check list.  Taurus tells us to approach things with caution.  All of the details of any deals, ideas, etc that you have in your mind are not complete right now.  Re-evaluate.  Ground.  And definitely don't bite off more than you can chew.  We need to take it one step at a time through this new enchanted forest, friends.

I know, I know.  You're excited to get going.  We can still feel the rattling and shaking in the distance from the two eclipses that just passed (holy shit was that intense), and now you just want to run - run far far away - with all the little tidbits you learned and your little spark of illumination.  Well, this Mercury says YES, walk away, get going, but do it mindfully.  This is a strategist's Mercury.  He begs us to wait.  If you feel you must attack, do so mindfully.  Do everything mindfully.  Pay attention to your physical body more (Taurus is an earth sign after all) and you can quite your mind - this is especially needed in Aries season.  Instead of blurting out the first thing on your mind when you are feeling enraged/impassioned, try and portray your feelings through art (write it, draw it, etc to make more sense of it).  This is the Taurean (and Venusian) way.

A lot of shit is going to be dug up from the past.  Nail that bullshit in the head once and for all.  You're going to have a lot of determination, but only once you get a fire lit under you.  When you do, it will be glorious.  You wont even know where the hell that mental energy comes from once you've been ignited (trust me, Mars in Taurus speaking here).  Buckle down on some art.  Chip away at something that is seeping out from your heart.  This is a good time to do therapeutic art and heal.  Taurus is a Venusian sign, and when he speaks, though it may be direct, it is also full of passion.  Angsty, brash, walled up Taurus.  Don't put too many walls up - remember - just the right ones.  Don't think you need to over work yourself and forget about the pleasures in life.  Taurus wouldn't like that either.  She loves to indulge (and please do so after that Pisces season, Jesus Christ).  This is really about boundaries of the mind.  We need to learn how to place our intellectual boundaries while still allowing ways for our hearts to flow out of our mouths and create.  Taurus rules the throat, so speak firmly - speak truthfully - and what you will speak will naturally hold a beauty of it's own.  We are finally getting the opportunity to walk away from the past.  Take it and speak your healing.  Find the words.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

TNO Watch: Pandora

Pandora by Miriam Capone, CCL

Ah, I do love the New Year! My favorite time of year! Well, Solar New Year that is- Gregorian is lame, who wants to celebrate in January? Dull, grey and cold- No thanks! Chinese is all right though- Now that's a party! But for me, I will always wait to really celebrate til late March- And the best part of any New Year is all the possibilities that the next 365(ish) days have to offer! Which leads me to our TNO...

The Astronomy55 Pandora is a fairly large and very bright asteroid in the asteroid belt. Pandora was discovered by American astronomer and catholic priest George Mary Searle on September 10, 1858 from the Dudley Observatory near Albany, NY. It was his first and only asteroid discovery. It is named after Pandora, the first woman in Greek mythology, who unwisely opened a box that released evil into the world. The name was apparently chosen by Blandina Dudley, widow of the founder of the Dudley Observatory, who had been involved in an acrimonious dispute with astronomer B. A. Gould. Gould felt that the name had an "apt significance". [Shaaaaaaaaaaade] The asteroid shares its name with Pandora, a moon of SaturnPhotometric observations of this asteroid at the Rozhen Observatory in Bulgaria during 2010 gave a light curve with a period of 4.7992 hours and a brightness variation of Δm=0.22 mag. This is consistent with a period of 4.804 hours and an amplitude of 0.24 obtained during a 1977 study.

The Mythology: Okay, settle in because this one is a doozy and incredibly convoluted. Sure, we all know her box (giggity), is a trope that's been done to death. The story goes like this: Prometheus creates (or discovers) the race of Man, only men- no women. He runs out of all the good stuff that he and his brother Epimethus used on creating other stuff like snakes and the platypus, so he steals fire from Olympos and Zeus. This was the final straw in Zeus and Prometheus' epic rivalry/prank war, and it earns the Titan a lovely rock to get chained to, allowing better access for the eagle to peck out his liver every day. He got off easy- His brother, Epimethus, got the far more devastating and creative punishment: A woman. See, up until this point, humanity was comprised only of men- Deathless, hardworking, and obedient to the gods. Zeus decided that the price for fire (advancement) was death and a loss of paradise. He called the gods together and had Hephaestus make a woman (which, if he could do, brings into question the whole Aphrodite story arc of his, but hey), and all the gods gave her gifts to help make her a more appealing prize: Aphrodite gave her beauty unparalleled, Athene gave her useful skills, and Hermes gave her a brilliant mind, cunning, boldness, a deceitful nature, and got to name her: "All-endowed", while the other female gods (including The Fates!) dressed her up and gave her sparkly things to wear. At this point a theme should be emerging for you. She was sent off to her new husband with a big ol' jar (not actually a box. I want to stress that) with all of life's ills inside and a note not to ever open it. Epimethus was warned by his brother never to accept any gifts from the colossal bag of dicks that was Zeus, but as Epimethus wasn't exactly the brightest bulb in the old Titan hierarchy (his name meant Afterthought, for chrissakes...) he gladly accepted the wonderfully packaged doom that was hand-delivered to him. Temptation to open the jar is abated for a while, but soon one of their curiosities gets the better of them and they open it, unleashing all the worst things humanity has ever dealt with, but they manage to shut it with one thing left inside: Hope. Which is the insanely interesting part- Why would hope, one of the most valued human traits, be at the bottom of a jar containing nothing but the worst things imaginable? Why would Zeus, trying to punish us, give us hope? Did he feel bad unleashing the rest of it on us, and wanted to leave us something to get us through our now-miserable lives? Or is it possible that hope is its own form of torment, and owning to its placement in the jar, truly the most painful and insidious? Anyway she goes on to live a crappy life, despised by everyone, and then has a daughter (further hurting her cause) who ends up saving humanity after Zeus gets pissy at us again. 
Why She Matters: God, I love her. She's amazing. She is a slightly lighter version of Eris or Lilith, but she is still absolutely hell on high heels. She is the living embodiment of the idea that "Bitches get shit done". Every single person who has been shut out of the patriarchal white straight boys club has a hero in Pandora. She was given gifts, and they were promptly ignored by everyone, most of all her creators, just because she was a woman! Astrologically, she refuses to take it. Wherever she shows up in your chart is where you refuse to allow it to happen, whether to you or anyone else. You stand up and be counted. Pandora takes no shit, that's for sure. She's no good little housewife who stays quiet with a martini glass waiting for husband to come home from work, she is every bit his better! More often than not that is the case in real life as well. Pandora impels you to do for yourself and help those who are marginalized make their voices heard. Its also a point where you will find the world reject you, and you will have an uphill battle to get the recognition you want and deserve. But you probably already knew this.

To locate asteroid 55 Pandora in your natal chart, head over to and input the number 55 in the ‘additional objects’ section. Keep your aspects major – conjunction, square, opposition and your orbs within 1 degree. Where does Pandora show up in your life?

Monday, March 21, 2016

Saturn Retrograde- A Brief Candle

'Turn Around', Morocco, Merzouga, Ergg Chebbi Sand Dunes by Chris Ford, CCL

Finally, we are actually, properly in Aries! Everyone, one time, with me now... "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS".  God I couldn't take one more minute of Pisces. Time to fix our gaze on what's ahead of us. This time though, that just so happens to be... a retrograde.

And not just any retrograde mind you- It's big daddy Saturn, and he is just the first. Let me tell you why that's awesome.

See normally Saturn rules things like ambition, success, the long hard road, work, achievement and pressure. He also is the one to place blockages and challenges in your path. He rules the future, forever out of reach. He is already weakened somewhat from being in Sagittarius, the sign of his son and rival, Jupiter. His challenges set are mental in this sign- Here you are your own worst enemy, you lose all confidence in yourself and your joie de vivre. It is an internal struggle, which comes as you are pushed to take on greater and greater external 

Now when a planet retrogrades, their influence is inverted, or internalized. With everything else that Saturn is currently putting on us, this can be interpreted as a time when we are not forced to trudge through the merde of the present in a hope of a better, far-off future. No, now it is the time to breathe the present in deep and fully live in this moment. It is like the clouds lifting and rolling back, allowing you the space you so desperately need. And it fits just so well with Aries, it couldn't come at a better time.

Now of course its not just Saturn we have to contend with- He is a guest in Jupiter's home and therefore subject to his rules, and he is in Virgo. The devil is in the details. Each moment you have matters, and it is high time that you start treasuring them. Time is our most valuable commodity, but my god how we squander it. We binge-watch the latest series on netflix, avoid real connection and conversation with those we love, trudge away in jobs we loathe, and dont get enough (or in some cases, get far too much!) sleep. Our lives flicker away like a candle flame. One of the greatest temptations for us in this age is to look behind us, to become trapped in nostalgia and wearing the past as a security blanket. As we hurtle headlong into a future that terrifies us more and more, the temptation can be overwhelming- The past is a sure thing, unchanging and set in stone. That is a luxury we do not have in the endlessly shifting present. This is a trap- as we indulge more and more into nostalgia, more and more time slips through our hands. The only cure is to dive completely into the NOW. Listen to the hottest music, absorb the most cutting edge TED talks and current podcasts, the most in the now movies and shows, the most groundbreaking science and discoveries. This is your ward against losing your time to the past and the secret to your success in this transit. 



CARDS:  7 of Cups CROSSED BY King of Pentacles
Runes:  Ehwaz and Dagaz

"When the disciple
knows Saturn as the God
who offers opportunity
and does not only
feel him to be Deity
who brings disaster,
then he is on the path
of discipleship in truth
and in deed
and not just
theoretically." - Alice A Bailey, Esoteric Astrology

Saturn, Lord of Karma, is going retrograde.  This is the first of many retrogrades to come, guys.  Pretty much all of the planets will be moving backwards soon, and it's going to feel like a spinning vortex.  The sun entering Aries recently brought us back into the rulership of Martian war energy (as Mars is the ruler of the ram).  And right in the beginning of all of this blood god, we have father time deciding to hit rewind.  Saturn goes retrograde on March 25, which is 2 days after the full moon eclipse in Libra, and he is the first triggered event after the eclipses.  Saturn moves backward from March 23 through August 13, dragging along a heavier than usual dose of karma.    

The first 7 planets can be looked at as the first octave in the solar song, leaving Uranus to naturally be the blasting off into a new octave and new world entirely.  The outer planets are far more concerned with all of us as a collective than they are with individual, micro issues.  They are in charge of a different layer of our consciousness; the collective.

As an Aquarius, I have an intimate relationship with this old devil of a planet.  You see, Aquarians have two dads, Saturn and Uranus, and they both teach very different lessons.  One father has traditionally been called the great malefic (Mars is the lesser malefic).  A malefic in astrology is a planet that is traditionally thought of as "miss-fortunate."  Saturn represents restriction, the constructs of reality, and hard truths.  Our other father, Uranus, has been called the God of Chaos and freedom.  How the hell does Aquarius justify being ruled by such different energies?  The realization comes when you merge dualities in the planet Saturn.  In order to blast off into freedom, one must first learn their limitations.  A kite cannot fly without restriction, and freedom is what you do with what you have.  Aquarius is a very individualistic sign, but somehow also represents the collective.  This is because one must maintain the paradoxical idea of individuality in the collective in order for it to even work.  Without a hub, there is no wheel.

And the wheel of time turns, my friends, but now in the other direction.  "So, what the fuck does this retrograde mean for us, Artemis?"  Ok, ok, patience!  This is something we will be learning a great deal the coming 4 and a half months.  

Saturn sits right on the edge of this world.  As the last of it's octave, it both defines what came before it and prepares us for a chaotic re-birthing.  When Saturn goes retrograde, we turn inward and examine all of the decisions of our past.  Unfinished business will emerge like crazy, and you have to take care of it now or you will not make it to the next cycle.  Because the focus of mind will turn toward the past, so will the types of manifestations that happen in our life.  When we focus on the patterns of the past, they emerge as new lessons in our present.  What vibrational level have we been existing at?  What options remain for us to choose from because of the choices we have made in the past?

Like a record, a planet spinning backward will show us the hidden message buried inside of the structure.  What demonic chants have been inhabiting your subconscious?  It's time to root them out and devour them.

Saturn is relentless and he is going to test us.  Grab the weapons Aries has to offer, punks, because we are officially entering this battlefield.

7 of Cups represents all of the illusions set before us; all of the paths we BELIEVE we have available to us.  Mesmerized by the glowing cups before him, the man in this card can't seem to choose between all of the options he is presented with.  The secret to this card is that all of his choices are a part of the maya / illusion.  Unfortunately for him (and thus you, sorry), this card being crossed by the King of Pentacles means we are going to have to have to choose the path mastery over our material realm.  Represented by the heavy element of lead, Saturn is the master of the material world.  He is all things solidifying.  He is the ultimate meaning - the ultimate construct.  The temptations before us are empty of true Saturnian meaning.  Saturn is rewinding, slowing down time, and wrecking our lives to show us what we really need in order to reach our higher selves.  If you fight back, he will only suffocate you further.  You must act on the gnosis he brings.

The King of Pentacles is only the master of his environment because he KNOWS his environment.  He knows how much yield he will need to feed his people.  He knows how much material he needs to combine to construct his kingdom.  He is the cerebral quality behind earth; the structure needed in order to gain mastery of the elements.  Coupled with the rune Dagaz, he is telling us that this mastery wont come over night.  Saturn is slow and steady, gradual like the coming of the dawn.  If you don't have a steel will, you are going to get crushed under the heavy weight of this transit.  

The rune Dagaz also describes the point of melding between polarities.  Forget what you believe about the good and the bad.  They merge, they play, they exist only because someone put up a wall of restriction.  Saturn going retrograde now puts the responsibility in our hands.  Where are you going to put up your new boundaries?  Check your architectural plans, but keep in mind Saturn's karmic lesson.  Wherever you decide to lay those boundaries, they will have immense repercussions in your future.  Choose wisely.  Be still and meditate.  But also remember, in the end, Saturn is all about Capricornian action as well.  You must choose to build something or you will be devoured.  Once the retrograde ends and Saturn swoops back into forward drive, he will crush you if your plans are not well meditated.  

The rune Dagaz, oddly enough, also looks like an hourglass - representing Father Time quite nicely.  Tic toc, our time has finally come.  It seems the countdown for Tower Year is finally beginning on the precipice of the equinox.  There is so much balance symbolism coming at us right now; from the full moon Libra, eclipse, equinox, and now this Dagaz representation of the Saturnian retrograde.

On to the final piece of the puzzle; the rune Eihwaz.  There is a fire inside all of us; a storm.  Inside, we are empty, like a cup waiting to be filled.  Outside our empty core is the restrictive form.  As a storm progresses, the choice of it's landing becomes ever more clear and the breadth of it's form ever more sturdy.  This is the evolution of our "self."  We are born into this world with many more options than we have at our present.  Sometimes the storm may change course.  This retrograde represents one of those times.  You have been removed from your ability to see all the layers of your reality for far too long.  You are finally going to get some elation and clarity, and you are going to be able to pick which current you want to dive into.  Eihwaz represents the moment when you lose the fear of death, the scythe carrier.  And who else carries a scythe and represents death itself?  Saturn.  For now, we have a reprieve from Papa.  How will you use the creative fire inside of you to smith your future?  

Saturn rules Aquarius because Aquarius knows how to navigate the various currents of humanity.  He knows that no current is the end all be all structure of the world, and there are many ways for people on two different pathways to communicate.  There are many arrangements of form.  As the representative of the circulatory system and connecting pathways, Aquarius understands the impulse of rivers to move toward larger bodies of water.  Deep down, we are all born knowing our destiny.  We are all compelled to it like gravity.  It is confused and muddled by the illusion we are born into; false structures that will fall away in time.  You can see the rot in the world around you.  Shine your light, remove the unnecessary barriers you have set that restrict you from getting to where you need to go, and get on with it before some asshole builds a dam around you and keeps you from your destiny.

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Mercury in Aries- Roar

Originality is independence, not rebellion; it is sincerity, not antagonism.
-George Henry Lewes

*Breathes in deeply* Smell that, you guys? No, not that, I mean Aries! It's in the air, all around us. It may not quite be here yet (Pisces won't let us go that easily) but Aries is rising up, coming up from below to rip free of Pisces' hold on us. Mercury is our vanguard into the full glory of Aries, running ahead of the Sun to get us ready for the fight ahead.

This Pisces season has been awful. We have struggled with feelings of powerlessness, worthlessness, and an overwhelming fatigue. We are jaded and have given up almost all hope- almost. It is the moment after a crushing defeat, right before your opponent lands the final blow, taking you out for good- This is what we face. But it's not over. You see, in each of us, there is one tiny little glowing ember; one last place in our very souls that we have refused to give up on. These last moments before it all goes out are yours to claim.

So it falls to you- Do you have one last round in you? Can you get up again? Is there anything left to fight for? Or have you truly given up, once and for all? Is this how your story ends? And what of those who stood with you, fought in the trenches with you- They look to you to see what you will do next. Will you you fight for them, if not for yourself? Or will their efforts and sacrifices be for nothing?

Listen, I get it. I know how tempting it is to just give up. I know how tired you are, and how sick you are of taking loss after loss. What you are feeling is completely valid. But the work is not done yet, and you have miles to go before you sleep. The stakes have never been higher, and it is an uphill battle for you. Any ground you take will cost you, deeply. You cannot afford to make any errors. You have everything to lose, but everything to gain. This round is for all of the marbles, and its your last move.

So what's it going to be?

Cards:  4 of Pentacles CROSSED BY Page of Cups

"You can call me a sinner
You can call me a saint
Celebrate me for who I am
Dislike me for what I ain't
Put me up on a pedestal
Or drag me down in the dirt
Sticks and stones will break my bones
But your names will never hurt"  

Mmm our first taste of Aries!  Who doesn't love this self assured energy?  As we all surely know, Mercury is the planet of communication.  It's ingress from an elusive water sign like Pisces into a fire sign like Aries will bring much needed straightforwardness into our communication.  Aries in Mercury is self assured talk, regardless of what they talk is about.  This fire sign believes in his ideas, fervently and with strong possession.  I pulled 4 of Pentacles for this ingress, meaning perhaps we will be TOO strongly rooted in our opinions.  Be careful here.  Aries can be a bit brash and speak out of line.  They are not known for their tact.  You may have a hard time distinguishing between the truth and your opinion.  You may attack others when you are feeling vulnerable about your ideas with far too much force; watch your temper and arrogance.  Seriously, there is a very big difference between confidence and arrogance.  Don't let this huge surge of energy control you!  Be like Aries and control it!  The positive aspect behind this card is that it sets a sort of protection over our mind.  If there is an idea that you truly need to solidify, this will be the time.  You will have the confidence to say exactly what you need to say.

There is a sensitivity to Aries that is never quite realized because of their firestorm energy.  Let me let you in on a little secret (shhhh).  Deep down inside, they are sensitive little lambs.  They are sensitive about their ideas, their presence, their station in life, etc.  But there is something magical about how they deal with this sensitivity that we can all learn from.  They say, "No.  I know who I am.  These fuckers don't know shit about me.  I'll fucking show them!"  This is exactly the kind of energy we need after unsure Pisces.

"This is who I am
You can - Like it or not
You can - Love me or leave me
Cus I'm never gonna stop -No no
Cleopatra had her way
Matahari too
Whether they were good or bad
Is strictly up to you" 

The next card I pulled for this ingress (crossing our original card) is the Page of Cups.  She is tender and gentle.  Wow, what an opposing force!  She is here to warn us that although we may start to feel fired up, we need to be gentle with our fire.  If you turn the burners up to high on your stove, you are going to burn your food.  If you set the heat at just the right temperature, you are going to make something delicious.  Aries says a million things in just one word.  This is, surprisingly, also the Page of Cups.  She says more in a glance than one can sing in a whole song.  Use the Aries bluntness and charm to get what you want in a playful manner and not an aggressive manner (Aries is ruled by Mars, after all, so watch out).  Grand displays will be important right now, but make sure they are there to empower you and those around you instead of just to feed your ego.  With great power comes great responsibility.  With fire driven inspiration in our voices, we must be careful not to turn into dragons.  

"Life is a paradox and it doesn't make much sense
Can't have the Femme without the Fatale
Please don't take offense
Don't let the fruit rot under the vine
Fill up your cup and let's drink the wine" - Madonna

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

TNO Watch- The Fates

"I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act." -Bhudda

Well y'all are in for a treat today! We're going to go over not one, not two, but THREE minor planets today! Aren't you excited?

You better be because today we're tackling the biggest players there are: The Fates

The Astronomy: 97 Klotho is a fairly large main-belt asteroid. While it is an M-type, its radar albedo is too low to allow a nickel-iron composition. Klotho is similar to 21 Lutetia and 22 Kalliope in that all three are M-types of unknown composition. 13-cm radar observations of this asteroid from the Arecibo Observatory between 1980 and 1985 were used to produce a diameter estimate of 108 km. 120 Lachesis is a large main-belt asteroid. It was discovered by French astronomer Alphonse Borrelly on April 10, 1872, and independently by German-American astronomer Christian Heinrich Friedrich Peters on April 11, 1872. Photometric observations of this asteroid were made in early 2009 at the Organ Mesa Observatory in Las Cruces, New Mexico. The resulting light curve shows a synodic rotation period of 46.551 ± 0.002 hours with a brightness variation of 0.14 ± 0.02 in magnitude. It has the longest rotation period of an asteroid more than 150 km in diameter. As a primitive C-type asteroid it is probably composed of carbonaceous material. 273 Atropos is a typical Main belt asteroid that was discovered by Austrian astronomer Johann Palisa on March 8, 1888 in Vienna. Photometric observations of this asteroid at the Palmer Divide Observatory in Colorado Springs, Colorado in 2007 gave a light curve with a period of 23.852 ± 0.003 hours and a brightness variation of 0.60 ± 0.03 in magnitude. (ripped from wikipedia)

The Mythology: Okay, so these ladies (like most of my favorite bodies to work with) are primordial, and their stories a matter of great debate. Some trace them back to the time of the Titans, some say that they were children of Zeus and Themis and at their fathers command, others say they pretty much just have always been there and Zeus is just as subject to their power as anyone else. No one really agrees on any of it. What they do agree on is their functions; Klotho is the spinner, making the thread and associated with beginnings, Lachesis is the one who measures the thread, determining how much is needed, associated with the present or the middle of the story, and Atropos is the cutter of the cord, the ending. And they would like me to impress upon you all that they are not haggard old women who only have one eye and one tooth between them. That is hurtful slander and they will not stand for it anymore!

The Astrology: Obviously these lovely ladies have similar themes astrologically as well as mythologically. The trouble with them is that it is insanely hard to see them in action, but astoundingly easy in hindsight. Of course, this lends to far more meaning in transit than in the natal chart. The pattern can only be seen when its complete, with perspective. In the chart, you must use all three of them together to see what the hell is going on- Sure, you can focus on one but it wont tell you the full story on its own. In addition to that, Martha Lang-Wescott identifies Klotho as having to do with "conditions (fate and expectations) at the beginning; initial understanding, what is apparent at the start, origins/beginnings in general." I would add to that what one is "made of," having (or not having) "the right stuff," possibly even textiles; Lachesis as signifying "intervention, assessment midway into a sequence, what 'interrupts' an evolving sequence from going as one would have expected (from the way it began or is underway)". Marianne Alexander adds what happens when something is allowed to continue without intervention; or something that occurs by default. One may also say Lachesis indicates deciding the length or duration of something, putting a stop to something (or trying to); and Martha Lang-Wescott has linked Atropos to endings, completion, conditions at the finish, what is needed to conclude. Marianne Alexander has linked Atropos to repetitive action, such as oil drilling. Atropos, I believe, can also signify cutting off, termination, pounding, percussion, "beating one's head against the wall" or "keeping on plugging away" at something.

To find out where they show up in your chart, go to, put in your birth details and in the extended options, all the way at the bottom there will be a menu of additional objects. Under that is a blank space where you can enter the number 97,120 and 273, for Klotho, Lachesis and Atropos respecitvely. Once you have those entered, generate the chart! Where do the fates affect your life?

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Full Moon Eclipse in Libra - Bloom

Full Moon Eclipse Libra  March 23, 2016

  THANK GOD ITS ARIES SEASON! There is no ingress I look forward to more than this one! Especially after the clusterfuck that was this last Pisces season, and all its pileup. Unfortunately most of the planets are still in Pisces, giving me an ulcer, but are we going to let that stop us from squeezing out every bit of Aries that we can? Hell no!
And good lord, we are going to need everything we can get...
"Who dwells at the core of my being? I am calm itself and he is the storm." - Hafiz
This is the final eclipse in a long series of Libra/Aries eclipses. We wont see an eclipse in this sign combination for another 7 years. This, in itself, feels very significant. 7 is the number of Venus, the goddess of fortune and love, and also the ruler of Libra. This may be an especially significant time for those born under the scales.
Libra, the centerpiece of the zodiac, always reminding us that perfection is non-existent and life is in constant adjustment for balance. Like a see-saw, she teeters between hot and cold / dark and light / love and fear / war and peace. Where Aries is exploratory and impulsive action, she is stillness and assessment. As an idealistic air sign, Libra will toil endlessly for a justice that can never be fully attained; bringing to mind Sisyphus.  Perhaps this is Libra's punishment from the gods for being so fucking indecisive. The scale will always tip one way or the other, regardless of how balanced we may perceive it in the moment. The great work is never over.
"Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun." - Alan Watts
The Sun, Moon, Mercury and Mars- Despite what I just wrote, I am going into this completely uninspired. I've tried to fake and force the awesome for hours now, and just kept running into a brick wall. Hopefully if I just keep rambling and writing I'll stumble into some sort of genius insight- if not, there's always tequila. Anyways, that is very much the feel of this: Think back to this time 2010-11, and how on fire you were, ready to take on whatever came your way, heaven help anyone who got in it. Where did that go? Where did you fail? Where did you lose? More importantly, when did you give up on yourself? Find that moment between then and now, and learn from it. Learn your lessons, forgive yourself, and MOVE THE FUCK ON. Its well past time to get back into that mode. That moment is holding you back, trapping you in its maelstrom, and if you don't escape it you will NOT survive the storm that is coming. And it will make landfall very soon, you NEED to be ready. You need to get back to your original mission, whatever that may be. There is a reason you decided to go down the path you explored, but there is a course-correct coming. Make the choice to change now or watch it be made for you. This energy is completely aligned with the greater year energy of the Fire Monkey, so now is the time to get aligned. If it doesn't bring you toward achieving your goals, get rid of it!
THE MOON: For the moon, I pulled The Hangman and Sowillo, which is the exact same combination I pulled for the last eclipse. This is auspicious. We have reached the other side, reflecting the last new moon in Pisces like a mirror. We have crossed some sort of strange, dimensional rift, with illumination resting firmly betwixt. Like Libra, the hangman is the centerpiece. He sits smack dab in the middle of the major arcana of the Tarot, suspended between two worlds. This book end situation is a new sort of experience for Libra. All endings breed beginnings, and Libra is consistently stuck in the middle of the story. Both the ideas of starting and ending seem foreign and dizzying. This whole transition from new moon to full moon has been like sitting on a fence; something Libras are very good at. It is finally time to step off and go see the greener grass on the other side. Unfortunately, while Libra has been sitting around contemplating, her Aries neighbor has erected hedge statues and planted gardens and a built one of those stupid fountains. Spring is here, and the scales have finally tipped. Sowillo, the sun, has arrived. The funny thing about the sun, like illumination, is that you can never look directly at it but you see it's presence all around you.  The hangman has lost his ego. He is in a position where you could throw a rotten tomato on him, kick his head, or give him a hug. Who knows. He has taken the leap of faith. It's time to give everyone the big fuck you and bloom how you choose. You get to be whatever kind of fucking flower you want to be. You inherit yourself.
THE SUN: For the sun, I pulled 5 of Swords and Kenaz. 5 of Swords represents self interest, which makes perfect sense for a sun in Aries. You're going to have to defend what you believe in. People are going to disagree with you. They are going to fight you and kick you when you are down. Don't fucking let them. Seriously, punch them where it hurts most and move the fuck on. We have to let things go and become light and fly now. The rune Kenaz, also known as the "torch," tells us that you will "surpass the master." This is where we make a choice, punks (sorry, Libra). What is the story you are going to choose to tell? Are you going to keep telling the same old fucking story, or are you going to take what you want? Are you the master of your own fate, or will you allow the illusion to suck you back in? There is also a warning here. This card tells us it is not in our benefit to be wholly selfish. It's like Libra is scolding Aries. She tells him to do what is right and to do it with the fullness of his unique intensity. I'm sure Helios and I can both agree that there is nothing more glorious to behold than an Aries with a righteous goal at his back. Kenaz represents controlled transformation. It governs apprenticeship, study, and the search for enlightenment. What drives you? What is your end goal? Look beyond everything. What is the sun of your life?
MERCURY: For Mercury, I pulled The Devil and Algiz. This is a fascinating combination. They call Algiz the rune of connections. What kind of connections? In particular, the kind between us and the gods. Algiz represents the higher self and courage. It is used as a protection rune and is charged with giving us courage in the face of fear. People are going to say what they need to say. That'll be nice, wont it? There is this idea of "personal gravity" which I found interesting when studying this rune. Movement is key, so find your rhythm. Mercury is the planet of communication, so Algiz in this position tells me that the full moon will be a glorious time for getting in your creative zone and just letting work come out. We also have the Devil archetype to deal with here. This card warns us that people (including you) may have an easy time influencing us with their words right now. Listen carefully to the way people speak to you, from the friends in your micro, to the politicians in your macro. What does everyone really want? It's an easy time to figure this out due to Mercury's connection to Algiz, the god whisperer, and The Devil, the impulsive egoist.

Venus and Neptune- Okay, so these two annoy me. These are my least successful/integrated energies. Luckily, they work together exceedingly well, and with Neptune still in Pisces (don't remind me) it lends itself to a lot of customization and experimentation. Let me tell y'all about a little trick I learned from acting and my Pick-up Artist days- it's called Mind-shifting. What you do is you visualize your success (whatever form that might take) and marry that to an intense memory of achievement. Connect yourself as much to that memory you can, using your senses. Overwrite your insecurity and doubts with the emotion in your memory and use it to convince yourself that you already have succeeded, and really BELIEVE it. Once you swing that, all that's left is the execution, just actually doing it!
VENUS:  For Venus, I pulled The Star and Hagalaz.  Again, a fascinating combination.  The Star (card #17) is hope, the light, healing and escape after the collapse of the motherfucking tower (card #16).  The Star is Aquarius, who is ruled by the circulatory system.  It is the idea of connection at a mass level - the spider who weaves the threads between the stars.  This is a great combination.  It tells us that we are finally shedding the bullshit, letting the hail storm knock away all that isn't fastened securely to the truth.  Really, guys, this is good.  Venus represents what we truly value.  It's time for that to be clear for us.  Venus is giving us our speck of hope, and really there is nothing more perceptible in the sky than the wandering star Venus.
NEPTUNE:  For Neptune, I pulled The Lovers and the blank rune (fate rune).  Neptune rules over our temptations (thus the planet of alcoholism, YAY).  She is all the things we cannot see that are creeping around in the other world, influencing us in some wyrd way.  The blank rune sure shows that here, standing in for the idea of "fate" itself.  There are going to be a lot of magical moments, strange things coming into fruition that we may be blindsided by.  You see, Neptune represents that which is barely on our peripheral.  She also represents the higher form of love.  The lovers in position here tells me that higher connections are coming into manifestation in our lives.
Jupiter, Saturn, Chiron, Uranus, Pluto- Okay, so this is becoming less and less Super Saiyan energy and more the 12 labors of Heracles. In which case, we're at the 3rd labor (yay us!), seeing as how we already overcame the Nemean Lion (brute strength) and the Hydra (overcoming multiple issues at the same time, balance). This labor would be that of perseverance, and humility. In the third labor, Heracles is tasked with catching the Ceryneian Hind, a stag that could run as fast as lightning. Heracles came across it by chance, then chased it over a year without catching it. After he kept running and chasing it, he ran into Artemis, who told him to leave it be, as the stag was hers, and go back to the asshole king who tasked him with the labors to say that he had caught it, and it would all work out. As he is walking up the steps to the palace, Artemis brings the stag to him, making him promise to return the stag to her. The king is ecstatic, but he wants to keep it for himself. Heracles realizes that he cant allow this to happen, he agrees, under one condition- The king had to come out to get the stag himself. When he does, Heracles released the Hind, and it escaped, and Heracles told him coyly that he had just been too slow.
JUPITER: For Jupiter, I pulled Justice and Inguz. So we have the rune of growth in the planet of growth. Hmmm. So what the hell are we growing? If Jupiter is the planet of joy and abundance, it looks like we are growing what we want through righteous action; aka Justice. Inguz rules subtle action, and Jupiter is being ruled by the Queen of Detail - Virgo. There is something waiting for you, a reward to reap, if you focus on the details. Once you find it, there will be an explosion of abundance available to you. Get your flashlights out, guys. This is a good time for workings involving money. Unfortunately, if you have been sowing bad karma along your path, get ready to eat shit.
SATURN: For Saturn, I pulled the The Hermit and Jera. So the Hermit is associated by the zodiac sign Virgo, and Jera represents the harvest, and Saturn has a big scythe he uses to reap.  This is a dire warning for us. Saturn goes into retrograde on March 26, 3 days after the Full Moon Eclipse in Libra on the 23rd. When Saturn decides to cycle back through the field, he brings double karma along with him. I'm sorry to terrify you. Remember... the pendulum has begun to swing.
URANUS: For Uranus, I pulled the King of Cups and Gebo. The King of Cups is a highly creative individual with great emotional depth. He sits in the storm of Uranus, calm and composed, his emotions reigned in. This King is aware of the flashes of insight coming from Uranus - the powerful jolts in our day that rattle our very foundation. The important thing is that the King of Cups sees them and becomes aware of them. He then responds in a composed manner. The King of Cups is emotional understanding, and he has a healthy balance between his intellect and his emotions. Gebo is the divine balance. There is great ability for you to make inspired partnerships with the people around you. This is encouraged. Follow the flashes of lightening, and do so generously. Share your fire. There is a lot of reciprocation in this combination. The King of Cups is very giving and generous, and Gebo literally translates to the gift.  Get ready for lots of gifts of insight as well.
PLUTO:  For Pluto, I pulled the 7 of Pentacles and Berkano.  What is with this card?  It keeps fuckin' showing up, left and right, and it's beginning to make me very curious.  The 7 of Pentacles is all about that moment when we decide to change.  Something has finally been completed, and now it is time to choose our direction.  Pluto is the planet of regeneration, and our lives are very much being pumped with new life blood as we speak.  Thanks for the juice, Pluto, because we are really going to need it for all these fucking retrogrades about to beat us down.  Berkano shows up for us, under the planet of legacy coupled with the 7 of Pents.  This probably means it is an excellent time for money manifestation.  You can truly have what you want, you just need to have the guts to change yourself in order to get it.  Don't just sit there.  Either harvest what you have in front of you and make something of that, or take what you need and begin your new life.  Decisions, decisions.  You're going to be forced to change, so it's time to choose a route or smash face first into the median (sorry again, Libra).
Planet - Rune -- Tarot
Moon - Sowillo -- Hangman
Sun - Kenaz -- 5 of Swords
Mercury - Algiz -- The Devil
Venus - Hagalaz -- The Star
Mars - Eihwaz -- Ace of Pentacles
Jupiter - Inguz -- Justice
Saturn - Jera -- The Hermit
Uranus - Gebo -- King of Cups
Neptune - blank rune -- The Lovers
Pluto - Berkano -- 7 of Pentacles

Monday, March 14, 2016

Eros in Aquarius- Love in the Multiverse

Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences.” - Emery Allen

I've been advised by the survivors of my Legal Team Thunderdome 2011 that I should avoid further "Libel" and "Defamation of Character" when I talk about Eros, lest I end up with more "Lawsuits", so this one will be short and... well, maybe not quite sweet, but I will endeavor to try and lie on my ex's behalf. Hey, one man's slander is another man's artistic license!

Anyhow, hes moving from Capricorn into Aqua. Now, if you're anything like me, you have noticed a distinct dearth of romantic prospects as of late. You've probably also noticed how much you have gotten done without the distractions! But alas- all work and no play makes Jack troll hookup apps every half hour with no avail, thus taking his self confidence down several pegs and slowly giving him a psychological complex that bleeds over into other facets in his life (like his work), causing him to end up living in a van down by the river, subsisting on a steady diet of government cheese. Don't be like Jack.

You see, its Spring. Mostly. This has a certain affect on us poor humans. We cant help it. When we're kids, we want to escape the monotony and get back out into the world, exploring and playing in the sun- As adults, this becomes far more about playing behind closed doors since our lives are already empty, monotonous and devoid of all meaning. It's the little distractions that take the edge off and make life tolerable. We chase it, and it is fun! Its a nice way to keep our minds off of the gaping maw of our own mortality, looming over our heads.

The challenge of this transit is that you have been so focused on what you are building, you have developed tunnel vision and can see nothing else beyond your obligations. You have sacrificed all other concerns to make your dreams a reality. You have retreated within yourself, and you have hidden away, just you and your work. Now it is time to take a short break, look away from your screens, and get back out into the world! For some of us that means going to chase down trade in terrible bars with awful performers and have too much to drink. For others it is making an effort to connect with a partner who is feeling neglected and put upon. Whatever. Just get yourself out of your office and get into the bedroom.

Artemis:"You are my angel
Come from way above
To bring me love
Her eyes
She's on the dark side
Every man in sight
Love you, love you, love you
Love you, love you, love you
Love you, love you, love you" - Massive Attack

Websters: Eros (n.)

Eros, Greek mythological character. Eros was the son of Aphrodite. As the Greek god of love he excited erotic love in gods and mortals with his arrows and torches.

Erotic (adj.)

Popularity: Top 10% of words
: relating to sex : causing sexual feelings
: of, devoted to, or tending to arouse sexual love or desire <erotic art>
: strongly marked or affected by sexual desire

Gosh, haven't we all felt the shadow of this transit the past couple of days? Jesus fuck. This, along with this past weekend's sensual moon in Taurus, our current sexy Venus in Pisces, the mighty presence of passionate Mars in Saggo, and the pounding of hooves from fire hot Aries in the distance (helloooo spring) are making things electric.

*takes deep breath* Anyway...

Aquarians tend to be severely misunderstood. They call the water-bearer heartless, alien, off-beat, and contrary. They say she is a stubborn ice queen, prepared to dissect each of your layers until she can arrive at some self deluded state of "knowing." What they don't understand about Aquarius is that she feels TOO much. She feels everything and everyone all the time, and must place a wall up or she will swallow everything up like the sea. She is the veins, the rivers, the tributaries pumping from the passionate, lion heart of Leo. Her eroticism is all encompassing. Her love is the force of the entire planet.

You know, there is something oddly sexy about all of these misconceptions. Who doesn't like the hot loner coasting through town on their way to distant lands? Aquarius is a visitor from somewhere far beyond here, and their brand of love making is strange and exciting. We can see it in their mannerisms, their likes and dislikes, their eccentric way of communication. They are not from here, and we are intrigued. And our earthly ways are intriguing to them as well. They really just want to know how everything feels, how everything tastes, and are all for the experimentation between pleasure and pain.

"What if I do this..."

King of experimentation, Aqua is the scientist with laser eyes who inspects your every frac(tal)tional movement for all of your soft spots. The water-bearers are represented by the Angel (or perfect human), perched high above in the clouds, observing us mere mortals as we go about our business of flesh. The eroticism of distance. For Aqua, the mind is flesh and eroticism starts there. When the angels saw the flesh based humans (in all their indulgent Taurean flavors), they could not help but fall down to earth. Not even angels can resist Eros.

People like to say the sun is in detriment when it is in Aquarius. Why would they say such a thing? Probably because Aquarius has a hard time merging their identity in with the rest of society. They are forever the one who marches to the beat of their own drum, and their sexuality is no different. They really don't give a fuck what is appropriate or conventional in love making. They will do whatever strikes their fancy, and they will never stop surprising their partner. Aquarius is known as the sign of kink for good reason. They say strong aspects with Uranus/Eros, Uranus/Venus, Uranus/Mars in one's chart places this flavor of Aquarian experimentation in one's personality; lightening flashes of insight and curiosity.

So here we go, punks. Get ready for things to get weird.

For Eros ingress Aquarius, I pulled The Moon crossed by The Queen of Wands and the runes Inguz and Sowillo. DAMN. Just DAMN. The runes line up perfectly with each card. Inguz is the rune people refer to as "the seed." He is deep rooted potentiality. Orgasm waiting to happen. Aquarius is here, bringing us the waters to get drunk on some strange love. The moon says the stuff in the back of our head, the stuff we fantasize and dream about, wants to come out and play. The moon is shy, blushing as she hears the whispers of her mind. Inguz says that this build up can only last so long before the release. He also tells us that distance is needed to build this potential energy. Aquarius, the sign of distance (AKA voyeuristic haha), knows this process all too well. She will prod and tease you in all the places where she knows you can't touch her (like work, school, your parent's house) until you have no choice but to take her in the back of the car, at noon, on the side of the road somewhere. And that's just the way she likes it.

The moon being crossed by the Queen of Wands tells us that the only thing holding any of this back is our inability to accept the strange paradoxes in life and just flow with it. Let yourself get turned on by the tension between the paradox (mmm tension). We need to embrace the rune Sowillo (the sun) and the optimism of this Queen of Fire. She is a sexy woman who takes what she wants, uses her magick without discretion, and doesn't apologize for her self expression. Our mind wants to escape, to let loose and let the Aquarian interests out to play. The built up potentiality is killing us, and this weekend's sensual Moon in Taurus sure didn't help.

Mars and Venus are about to square, the sexual tension will only get worse. This cross is telling us to let it out to play before some fire damage is done. The Queen of Wands is water in fire, and she is pure unadulterated feminine sexuality. She is the fire that will also drown you. Quite the paradox indeed. She is represented by the black cat, and those of you who know Egyptian mythology will recognize the connection to the cat goddess of sexuality, Bastet. Queen of Wands has a very cat like sexuality. She will gracefully seduce you and dance around you until your passions explode into wild, creative fires (all this with a smirk on her face). Wands are a witch's way of projecting her magic into the world. The wands also represent sexuality and creativity. Channel those deep, watery, moon feelings into a playful sexuality. Don't take things too seriously. Aquarius gives us room to breathe. Her universal love allows for her lovers to be expressive in their own individual mode without judgement. Let your imagination run wild.  It seems this card and rune combination is telling us a lot of illumination, happiness, and new pathways will open up from our ability to express what we keep in.

This combination of cards and runes warns us not to repress, no matter the strange situations we might get ourselves in (no matter our fantasies). There are many ways to express sexuality. Don't knock it til you try it. Try it and knock it good.... Whatever gets you hot.

CARDS: The Moon CROSSED BY The Queen of Wands
Runes: Inguz and Sowillo